It Is Not Painless

Change is not painless, nor is it for the faint of heart. Have you ever heard people say "that took balls"? Well I don't agree with what that implies - that you have to act as if you were a man, I guess, and do what you have to do (as if women don't) - but that's beside the point because what I do want to point out here is that you have to be willing to take the risks and the consequences of those risks and the pain of those risks.

One way this translates into what's happening in my life right now is that I am not currently in communication with my father or mother. I am not angry with them nor do I love them any less than I did when I was talking to them but they refuse to change their relationship to one another which has left us with the same dysfunction in our adulthood that we grew up with when we were kids and that's just not something I want to be part of at the age of 36 and with 2 of my own children. It just finally got way too old for me, way too stale or bitter a pill to bear swallowing.

The bottomline, in actuality, was that the pain of staying with the status quo was way more painful than the pain of this new frontier and stage in my life. And the Daily Kabbalah pointed just that out today when it said: "Change is what happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of changing." You bet.

So, sure I miss them and talking to them but if they or I died today, I'd find comfort in knowing I did all that I could and then some to bring unity to our family and then just chose to move on lest I continue to live their negative life instead of living a positive one of my own. I wish them the best, really, and I wish them both in their mid-to-late 60s an awakening of sorts sooner rather than later. They should know it'll more than likely not be painless. And that it'll take balls.

Happy 1st Birthday to Baby Ben!

Today the youngest of the 12 nieces and nephews in our family turned 1! Sweet boy! Congrats to my brother and his wife, this little angel's daddy and mommy. I cannot believe how fast this year has flown!

Maybe She's Born With It

I was talking to my little sister, Nino, today about something that bothers me that doesn't bother her at all about our family. It's interesting how 2 people can see things so differently and there's, I think, plenty of reasons why. I think the number 1 reason is distance. She lives in Dallas with none of our family around her; I am here with the issue constantly in my face. However, there are other siblings here with the issue right in their backyard as well but they either don't mind it, don't care, or just choose not to deal with it. How I wish I could be like that!

This is where being born with it comes in. I was born with love and justice as core characteristics. I suspect we all are but I think this is really the center of myself and my calling. In the past passion and social responsibility were words that resonated so strongly with me that I wrote them down on a special page in the back of my journal when I was younger. This is who I am so when something isn't that, I can't help but notice and be bothered even if no one else is.

In my heart of hearts, I know what's happening is not right. At best, the situation is not its positive potential. At worst, it is just plain wrong. This isn't about what is right and what isn't for me either though; it's about what is based on love and what is based on fear. As I said to Nino, "Everything else is bullsh*t, you know?"

I'm a strong believer is all that's good in life and the world. Everything else - all the negativity, hate, et cetera - is, as I said to her "a waste of perfectly good and valuable time that needs to be spent on something else in my life. It's just that simple."

And it is.

30 years of garbage is just such a load! How long am I supposed to carry it? I'll tell you how long ... no longer. :-) It's time to walk away from this, swim from the shore, move on. My heart has waited long enough.

My Other Daily

Another thing that is part of my daily ritual is reading a little desk calendar with sayings and excerpts from Dr. Phil's Family First book which is awesome.

This calendar was one of the Christmas gifts I got from my best friend, Marlene, and her husband, Scott, 2 years ago. Even though it's from 2006, I still use it. I just don't look at the day, only the number and month. It's too good not to read on a daily basis. Keeps me laser-focused on THE most important thing in my life, my family, of course. No better way to start the day than with my focus and commitment on them.