Dying To Live

Dying to live ... as I write that, I know I am saying it in 2 different ways. One is I am dying to get to do what I want and to be who I am fully. I am still doing numbers and business things I truly have no interest in and it drags on and on and on. Of course, I am the one ultimately creating this so my goal is to complete all business by the end of this week. Doable? Maybe, maybe not. Committed to it? You bet. This.has.got.to.stop.

The other meaning is that I - the old me - AM dying - to live - so that the new me may live. This dying, this transformation thing, this whatever you call it boils down to the fact that making changes is tough, man. It's particularly tough when you know you have to make them but there is no clear picture of what's to come or of the path you're about to take.

Something inside me - this soul, this God inside me - beckons though and all I know is that, scared or not, I have to take that walk or I will always know an opportunity for growth was lost. I also know that what's to come is even closer to the truth of me than who I am here at this juncture of my life and that alone is enough incentive. Still, make no mistake about it, this, growing, is still downright frightening. However, it is no more so than knowingly and fearfully standing still, which is decidedly not me.