Avalon & Fairytales

One Year Ago

2010-05-24T19:10:00.005-04:00

So, I last posted on here exactly a year ago. Unbelievable I'd come to this website tonight after really just posting on FB this whole time! And oh, yeah! A heart attack and then some is what I had. My, oh, my, how my life has changed!! Even with my boy gone home, how ABSOLUTELY wonderful too ...

STEVEN CHARLES DORBER, JR.

That's ALL I really have to say ...

I LOVE YOU, BABY! I LOVE YOU, GOD!

For ever,
Narah

The Massive Heart Attack

2009-05-24T16:49:00.007-04:00

Two months since I wrote here and it seems impossible. With everything that's going on, I haven't written in here for that long?! WOW! Well, Facebook has been great for sharing here and there and my journal has been put to good use as well. Everything I've been dealing with has all been so extraordinarily meaty and juicy, in fact, that I actually have a separate journal just for all that's going on at this particular time in my life. I'm not gonna go into details here although I will soon enough (yes, you'll get to be in on it all) but for now, I'm gonna share an e-mail my little sister, Nino, forwarded me and what I wrote back. It really encompasses where I find myself these days.

A preface ... the first part is written by Nino's friend whose sister passed away after a battle with cancer. It is followed by what I wrote back to Nino, my other sisters, and some girlfriends in response.

Dear Flickr Friends,

I am okay, but apparently everyone assures me it gets worse... great. Thanks for the words of encouragement. I am looking forward to cratering into an enormous deep dark depression. But until then... screw you motherf_ckers! If you could learn anything from Debby, it was that you should be loving life... it's a gift... it's ALL a gift... even if your life sucks... enjoy it anyways... enjoy each other... and praise God. The rain falls on the just and unjust alike. God doesn't make the mud... he gives you the Grace to get through it....

FYI... If you are in the Houston area

Debby's Wake Vigil/Rosary
Saturday, May 23 at 7 p.m.St. Maximilian Kolbe Catholic Church
10135 West Road (corner of West and Wheatland Rd.)
Houston, TX, 77064 (We are building our new church, so be forewarned that parking lot is not spacious. 2/3 of it is under-construction. You don't have to be Catholic to go. And if you like I can even personally teach you how to pray the rosary. Yay... it's fun to learn new things!)

Debby's Memorial or her aka "Celebration of Life"
Sunday, May 24 at 2 p.m.
Earthman's Hunters Creek Chapel
8303 Katy Freeway (I-10 between Voss and Chimney Rock)
Houston, TX 77024

. . . .

Going through my wedding album looking for pict. for the Wake... I love Deb, she gave the best toast that night. Gorgeous big hair... purple "Barney" dress... Barney as the dinosaur not the store... Deb's description not mine because she felt like a purple dinosaur in it... she looked beautiful. (We reused eldest sister's bridesmaids dresses from her wedding... most of the same cast of characters... all the sisters and both of us had an addition friend named Katherine.) That was a great night!

(I do miss Deb... I washed, then hugged all of Deb's blankets today. And btw... I know it seems strange to cuss and mention God in the same post, but if you knew my sister it would make perfect sense. And God is cutting me a little slack these days... He's not as bad as some people think.)

Sincerely,
Whidbychick

p.s.- When or if I do cratered, please do NOT remind me of this post. Sometimes a good deep dark depression is just what the doctor ordered, but until then... I'll be enjoying some good memories.

I then wrote the following ...

Niner, this is the BEST personal e-mail I've had the pleasure to read in a very lonnnnnng time. Beautiful and perfect and all that great shit!

Yeah, you know what? I'm gonna go ahead and fucking cuss, too. Ha! I have been in my journal like a sailor!! (Sorry, Ma Mere, as Nino so often says). It's just enough of the aster*ks in just the r*ght places, you know? Like, what the FUCK?! Is the world gonna fucking end 'cause I cussed?

FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!

Ha ha ha ha :-)

This reminds me of the movie "The Sure Thing" when John Cusack keeps telling Daphne Zuniga she's "REPRESSSSED!" "REPRESSSSSSSED!!!!"

Yeah, I am officially having a breakdown, ladies. A MASSIVE ONE like a massive heart attack and you know what? It feels damn good! So much more to come ... sooooooooo much. I'm all over the place but it's beautiful.

I love you all SO much,
Narah XOXO

Ay, Ay, Ay - Growing Pains Are Here Again

2009-03-26T07:18:00.005-04:00

Lately, I'm feeling a lot of pain. So much so, I feel like I'm giving birth. And in some odd way, I am. I can feel the new me, the new life a-coming and boy, is it ever uncomfortable! Still, I much rather grow than die slowly, quietly, desperately so onward I go.

All I can say for now is that, in retrospect, it was HIGH time for this freefall and that I am glad to see that I did learn from the last time I went through a major change in my life (my divorce in 1994), that it is not the end of the world as we know it when monster change is happening.

On the other side of all this discomfort is a freer, even happier, more loving me which affirms the fact that change is good indeed and that I'll patiently endure what I must to take possession of that newborn/reborn me. I'm looking forward to it. :-)

Dying To Live

2009-03-18T09:34:00.004-04:00

Dying to live ... as I write that, I know I am saying it in 2 different ways. One is I am dying to get to do what I want and to be who I am fully. I am still doing numbers and business things I truly have no interest in and it drags on and on and on. Of course, I am the one ultimately creating this so my goal is to complete all business by the end of this week. Doable? Maybe, maybe not. Committed to it? You bet. This.has.got.to.stop.

The other meaning is that I - the old me - AM dying - to live - so that the new me may live. This dying, this transformation thing, this whatever you call it boils down to the fact that making changes is tough, man. It's particularly tough when you know you have to make them but there is no clear picture of what's to come or of the path you're about to take.

Something inside me - this soul, this God inside me - beckons though and all I know is that, scared or not, I have to take that walk or I will always know an opportunity for growth was lost. I also know that what's to come is even closer to the truth of me than who I am here at this juncture of my life and that alone is enough incentive. Still, make no mistake about it, this, growing, is still downright frightening. However, it is no more so than knowingly and fearfully standing still, which is decidedly not me.

Music Non-Stop

2009-02-04T07:39:00.006-05:00

Remember the song that said that? I do and that's what I often want ... just muuuusic, non-stop! :-)

I'm particularly a lyrics person more than the actual music though. Something about words is just all me, baby. Always has been. So, I think I'll be posting under a new label ... Music and Lyrics. Isn't there a movie called that too? I do believe there is, with Drew Barrymore & the English chap. I forget his name now.

Anyway, I think lyrics touch a nerve. Whether it's good or bad, we just identify with something someone says. We've been there or are actually experiencing the situation described right now in our lives. I know I am finding myself resonating with the following lyrics so I'll make them my first lyrics post:

"Gone for now feels a lot like gone for good"

I'll add to that my own line:
"Hurts so much when you can do nothing about it too."

Thank God I still feel life is good and that while it may not feel entirely so right this second, everything is alright and will be okay whether pain is there or not. That's always my salvation - that I know that while in the foreground, there's a lot of commotion much like in a painting, in the background of life, the canvas itself, there's nothing but peace.

L-O-V-E

2009-01-31T08:56:00.019-05:00

Much has been happening lately - in the country, in the world, in all our lives, in my own. I am constantly hearing SO many different stories and perceptions and seeing situations from so many different angles that I keep thinking of what Charles Dickens (1812-1870) wrote in A Tale of Two Cities.

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way ..."

As in the 1800's, nothing much ever changes. One sees from wherever one stands and finds oneself in circumstance but even more in perception and in the mind. For some, it is the best of times, for some, it is the worst. I believe Life is SO utterly remarkable that way, in all of these different (and differing) points of view and ways of being. It's a beautiful, beautiful thing and I am so grateful for having been born to partake in it all.

It (Life) truly is the greatest blessing.

That being said, and without intent to minimize it at all, I do believe the physical experience of it - the being here, the being human - is like a "game" of sorts.

I believe we're so beautiful and innocent in spirit and so guilty and almost comical in our egotism. Nothing wrong with that at all. The ego plays its role and, besides, that's just how it occurs for me and not necessarily how it does for anyone else.

For me though, that's the very reason I just choose to focus on the big picture and on the bottomline and that's that LOVE is all that really matters.

Those hugs, those smiles, those glances we share, the conversations, the laughs, the movies, the songs, the dinners, all those moments - the time spent together with people & the LOVE shared - that is ALL that counts.

Everything else pales in comparison so I waste time not on any of it. Life is just too beautiful - and wayyyyyy too short - to do so.

All I care about, the only thing that truly matters to me and makes me happy to wake up, is that I LOVE ... you, me, family, friends, everyone, God, life.

In the end, I truly believe that (LOVE) is all my soul is sure to take with it so that's what I want to feel while I'm here in this body and with you: LOVE LOVE LOVE ... and more LOVE. :-)

Big hugs and kisses to you all.

Always,
Narah XOXO

YOU Are Alive!

2008-12-29T17:00:00.004-05:00

This was sent to me by my little sister, Nino (thanks, babe!), who obviously knows this is right up my alley. Yes! I LOVE LIFE! And I thank God SO much for it!

We're SO very blessed to be alive, people, and, if you find yourself in front of a computer reading this, you should know you are RIDICULOUSLY blessed then. RIDICULOUSLY!!! :-) Enjoy!!

All My Love,
Narah

CHANGE
From Paulo Coelho's Blog on 12/29/08

Almost in the space of the same week, I received from two readers a text that was supposedly written by me. No, it is not mine - although it has a lot to do with the way I see life. Since I found the material interesting, and in the hope of discovering the real author, I reproduce them below:

Change.
But start slowly, because direction is more important than speed.
Sit in another chair, on the other side of the table.
Later on, change tables.
When you go out, try to walk on the other side of the street. Then change your route, walk calmly down other streets, observing closely the places you pass by.
Take other buses. Change your wardrobe for a while; give away your old shoes and try to walk barefoot for a few days - even if only at home.
Take off a whole afternoon to stroll about freely, listening to the birds or the noise of the cars.
Open and shut the drawers and doors with your left hand.
Sleep on the other side of the bed. Then try sleeping in other beds.
Watch other TV programs, read other books, live other romances - even of only in your imagination.
Sleep until later. Go to bed earlier.
Learn a new word a day.
Eat a little less, eat a little more, eat differently; choose new seasonings, new colors, things you have never dared to experiment.
Lunch in other places, go to other restaurants, order another kind of drink and buy bread at another bakery.
Lunch earlier, have dinner later, or vice-versa.
Try something new every day: a new side, a new method, a new flavor, a new way, a new pleasure, a new position.
Pick another market, another make of soap, another toothpaste.
Take a bath at different times of the day.
Use pens with different colors.
Go and visit other places.
Love more and more and in different ways. Even when you think that the other will be frightened, suggest what you have always dreamed about doing when you make love.
Change your bag, your wallet, your suitcases, buy new glasses, write other poems.
Open an account in another bank, go to other cinemas, other hairdressers, other theaters, visit new museums.
Change. And think seriously of finding another job, another activity, work that is more like what you expect from life, more dignified, more human.
If you cannot find reasons to be free, invent them: be creative.
And grab the chance to take a long, enjoyable trip - preferably without any destination.
Try new things. Change again. Make another change. Experiment something else.
You will certainly know better things and worse things than those you already know, but that does not matter. What matters most is change, movement, dynamism, energy.
Only what is dead does not change - and you are alive.

Divine Timing

2008-12-01T06:19:00.005-05:00

Have you ever noticed how perfect timing is? In a world of what often seems like mostly chaos, it is remarkable it is not ALL utter destruction. It leads me to think it can really only be by design. Ya think? :-)

I'm just glad for it, I tell you. I'm glad for that Higher Intelligence / Being, that which I refer to as GOD, the creator of it all. Because really, if it was just up to us - to plain, egotistical human beings without a seed of goodness inside of us, without being of God's likeness - and worse, if it was all up to pure chance - it would long ago have been over in a much uglier way than the world seems to be and look sometimes.

It is a miracle, life. Really. Each, and every, moment is and are truly divine. How ever did I win the lottery to be here and witness this? Thank you, God!

Thanksgiving

2008-11-24T09:31:00.009-05:00

My life is so darn good, there aren't enough words - much less truly appropriate ones - to describe it. Sure it is not perfect and there are things I wish were more on the positive slant of life than the negative but, for me, all there is to do with those is be with them while working on them if they're something that really bother me and I feel something has to shift.

Otherwise, all there is to remember is that that is the background of life - the mere short-term. On the forefront - the long-term - the grand scheme of things - is the grandness of life itself and what it means to be alive in this world.

When I think about it, I just think "Holy mackerel! Life really is the end all-be all!" The beautiful things that surround us - this beautiful planet, with that great sun rising in the morning, beach waves lapping at shores, quiet rivers running through land, our families, our friends, people coming and going places, gorgeous countries, traveling, visiting landmarks, great food, beautiful music, the smell of a baby or the scent on and the feel of the skin of someone you love, a gorgeous sunset ... I could go on and on and on ...

All of this always leaves me thinking that Life is - well - amazing! It is crazy and exciting and sad and lovely and unpredictable and oh.SOOOOO.beautiful.

Nothing could ever compare to the love I feel for people, for life, for God, for goodness, for greatness or to the immense gratitude and joy and happiness I feel to be alive and connected and aware of what it means to be a human being. Thank You for being part of my human experience by being my family or my friend or just a person going through the same general experience of living, period. It's a MOST beautiful thing to be part of, life. I'm for ever grateful for it and all in it and I only hope you are too so that you have a heart so full of good feelings, you're, like me, also left hardly able to describe them.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING, EVERYBODY!

All my love always,
Narah

Speechless

2008-11-10T09:14:00.003-05:00

Becoming speechless is what sometimes happens when I'm oh-so-excited! Life IS good ... especially after an Obama win! Something super good has happened in our country, the world, and life itself and I'll have to sit at some point and elaborate for myself so that I can actually taste it. Right now it just comes in waves. I shall share. For now, it just feels AMAZING!

P.S. I must say thanks to the many Republicans who immediately offered their congratulations on our big win. As one of them said "Listen, he is OUR President now. We have to be behind him and I want him to be as good as you feel he is for all of us to benefit." Exactly!! Such cool, classy people. Thanks, guys!! MUAH!Only wish every Republican (and Democrat, when we have lost) was that mature. One can always HOPE! :-) Oh my gosh, we're SO-SO happy in this household! Gooooooooooooooo President-Elect OBAMA!!

Turn Your Car Lights On ...

2008-11-05T09:52:00.005-05:00

Pass it on ...

Whether you voted for BARACK OBAMA or not ... and, especially if you did ... turn your car lights on to show your support of, and respect for, the next President of the United States of America today, Wednesday, November 5th, 2008 and the rest of the week!

This e-mail has been started in Miami, Florida, USA. Enter your city or country below and send it on to everyone on your list until it goes around the whole world!!! Please be sure to copy TheNextUSAPresident@gmail.com so that we can keep track of how many places this e-mail reaches throughout our planet and keep you posted on the same. All the best to everyone!!!!

1) Miami, Florida, USA
2)

GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!

President-Elect Barack Obama!

2008-11-05T01:45:00.002-05:00

President-Elect Barack Obama ... I SO like the sound of that!!!!!

It's a BIG Day in America!

2008-11-04T06:20:00.003-05:00

Election Day is finally here! What a HUGE day for America. Whether you like or supported Bush or not, after 8 years of the same president, we get to choose someone else. In fact, not only do we get to choose someone else, we get to CHOOSE, period, first and foremost.

Don't take this very basic right for granted. Cast your ballot today for whomever you want, whatever your reasons. May they just be true and honorable, with dignity and without any kind of hate or personal attack. It's simply unnecessary and unbecoming.

Just vote ... women, especially since we couldn't always. We're all so darn lucky. What a privilege it is to live in this country! May you be present to that today and always.

GOD BLESS YOU ALL & GOD BLESS THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

Seconds

2008-10-29T10:46:00.006-04:00

Yesterday was a day of Firsts, today is a day of Seconds.

* Today is the second chilly day in Miami this year - and in a row, too. Love it!

* Seconds is a beautiful way to measure time. It really is that precious; every second really does count!!

* The second time around with my hubby rocks. You may know the story - we married young - I was 18, he was 23 - we divorced almost 4 years later, we got back together 7 years after that and remarried on the same day and date - Wednesday, August 29 - with the same rings to boot! (I'd kept them in a bank safe deposit box not because I thought we'd get back together but because every time I took them to the pawn shop, I just couldn't part with them)

Now, today is obviously not August 29 but it is October 29 and that's the day we met in 1988! Craziness, 20 years. It's just unbelieveable!

So, yeah, seconds in life are a good thing ... having your second child (my wonderful Dylan!), seconds on yummy food, a second glass of wine, second chances. They're all so good!

But, don't worry, I won't be doing thirds tomorrow. :-) ha ha ha Promise!! Have a great day, everyone!!

Firsts

2008-10-28T17:24:00.004-04:00

Today is the first chilly day in Miami this year. It is also Steven's first full day at home (he went home from the hospital yesterday afternoon! YAY!!!!) and tonight he meets his daughter for the first time. How wonderful is that? Thank you all who posted well-wishes for him! He's truly, truly grateful!!

My Friend, Steven

2008-10-24T06:16:00.006-04:00

I have visited my friend, Steven Dorber, at the hospital twice now this week and cannot wait to go again today. Life has surprised me yet again as much with his illness (advanced stage 4 lung cancer at just 38 years old) as at how someone I just sort of hung around with a litttle in high school is so profoundly touching my life.

I was there last night for about 2 hours and did not even want to leave. I feel so compelled and called to be at his side cheering him on, telling him he is so loved, I cannot explain it. We have looked at old high school pictures, we have laughed and cried, and we have shared about our lives - past, present and future, our beliefs, God, life in general and it has been SO special.

I find myself praying, asking God to heal him. I am telling God I am not letting him go, that there's not another option but him staying right here in the body, right here on Earth. I want another chance for him to live his dreams, his potential. I am begging for goodness to heal him.

Steve's 5 or 6-year-old daughter comes from Sweden on Tuesday and he wants to be home when she sees him. He has never met her. So, please pray for Steve. Please send all your love and light and healing thoughts to him. Send him messages by posting here and I will take them to him at the hospital - it really encourages him - and send this to your friends and have them send it to their friends. Put him on prayer lists online, at church, wherever. Have everyone pray for him to recover and live a long, healthy life. It has been done before and I am holding the space for him to do it as well. Thanks, everyone. All the best to Steven and to you today and always!

Life On The Run

2008-10-23T05:23:00.004-04:00

I just posted the following as a response on a friend's blog where she posted this quote she loves:

Forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair. – KAHLIL GIBRAN

I LOVE Khalil Gibran - The Prophet. Slow down, slow down, slow down ... I constantly remind myself of that, of not getting caught up in the go-go-go world and living a harried, hurried life. Life's too short for that, really, and too beautiful to miss by being on the run.

I am not as good at this as I'd like to be but I am definitely better. I believe it's part a matter of the time it is in my life (being Mom to 2 little ones), part a matter of action (simply making being peaceful a constant habit without excuses). As I've done with every other important area in my life, I will not give up until I master this! I'll keep you all posted on my progress.

Lovely Weekend

2008-10-13T09:37:00.007-04:00

Tod and I took off on our 2nd getaway this past weekend as planned. We went to The Keys without the boys once again for a couple of days of R&R and got to watch a couple of movies (An American Carol - it had some really hilarious scenes but was kind of slow - and City of Ember - loved it because it was a whole other world and I love that sort of creativity), lay out by the pool (me), play Nintendo DS (Tod), and sleep without having to get up to take care of our little ones. I also got to read and write e-mails and do some planning and scheduling of things I'm working on (SO exciting! and I will share more in the next couple of months) and since we came back Sunday morning and had a full day with the boys and today the boys don't have school and I'm enjoying another full day with them, it doesn't feel like I missed my weekend with them which I would've not gone for. In other words, it was all around great and everything worked out just perfect.

A million thanks, of course, go to the people who make this possible: my Tod, always, my sister, Naty, who takes such great care of my kids, and my mother's helper/nanny, Tita, whom Dyllie is almost as fine with as with me. I'm so beyond blessed, it's not even funny. Hope you had just as great a weekend!

Free Will

2008-10-05T08:02:00.005-04:00

Free will is all and good except when your 2 1/2-year old discovers he's got some. Just kidding but that's about the gist of the last 6 months around here with Mr. Dylan. "No" is a handy way to voice his opinion, they say, and he'll even say "no" when he really means "yes." Yep, that about covers it. To tell you the truth, we don't even mind it. The trick is actually not laughing when he looks so darn cute saying so. God bless our little scoober, as Tod likes to say. XOXO We love these boys!!

Limited Access

2008-09-29T11:24:00.002-04:00

It has been 10 days now since our computers went haywire due to a lightning storm. Yes, we have surge protecting battery back-ups but when you get hit directly, that doesn't count for much especially when you have ancient computers (6 years old or so). The good thing about it all is that it gave us the final push to finally go ahead and order the new ones we've been waiting on for quite some time.

Now, the wait. To receive the server, to have it programmed, to get all the other computers, to set up the network again, blah, blah, blah. It's complicated when you have all that going on but it'll be all good soon enough. In the meantime, I have VERY limited access and only when the laptop decides to cooperate. A bit frustrating at times, a whole lot at others depending on what I just have to get done. You all know how that goes. I'll keep you posted and I sure hope you're doing great. Hugs to all!! XOXO

The 7-Year Itch

2008-08-29T20:18:00.004-04:00

Today it is 7 years since I remarried my darling ex, Tod, and, oh my gosh, I think I'll cry but not because of any kind of 7-year-itch. The 7-Year Itch thing is not happening over here, no sir. In fact, just the opposite. In some odd way, every day is still new even though it has been 7 years since we remarried on the same day and date as the first time, which was 8/29/90, 18 years since we first took the plunge. Honestly, I just can't say enough about it all. I'm just in love and that's a great thing to say on your anniversary, isn't it? I love my friend, my lover, my partner, my man and I'm so happy we're married. Thank you, Todness, for the dream we live. You're a truly amazing man. :-) XOXO

Not True

2008-08-22T02:19:00.002-04:00

"http://www.narahvalenska.blogspot.com to go directly to the blog or http://www.narahvalenska.com to see the main page first and then click to the blog from there" has changed

I get this message every day and I know some of you do as well. Sorry it isn't so. Soon. The kiddos start school Sept. 2nd and that will give me 5 hours a day I currently do not have. I will be missing them something awful but it'll be good for me to have some daily peace and quiet in which to just be me. It's been a long time I've had that much daily time just for myself. My sister, Naty, says I'll be throwing a freedom party of sorts on Day 1. Not really although it's not a bad idea. ha ha ha I do have all sorts of plans. Stay tuned! :-)

Had To

2008-08-14T12:33:00.003-04:00

This made me laugh so much, I had to post it. (Don't know if I embedded right, by the way, but the link is here just in case the video doesn't show up below.)

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22425001/vp/26186923#26186923

From The Family First Calendar

2008-07-30T10:02:00.002-04:00

"Sooner or later, we all have to learn to play well with others." I'd say that's what most people do ... and, thank God! Imagine if we didn't. It'd be the Middle East situation all over the world.

Trouble

2008-07-27T06:50:00.011-04:00

Nothing troubles me much in life thanks to having perspective but this is the kind of thing I have a hard time with: small children losing their parents. Between this family and Randy Pausch's family (he's the college professor who became famous for his Last Lecture and who passed away on Friday after battling cancer), I've met my heartache quota pretty good this week.

Last March, Kristi Yamaguchi was celebrated for becoming a contestant on Dancing with the Stars – but in her personal life, the Olympic Gold Medalist and her husband, NHL star Bret Hedican, were mourning the loss of their good friend Patrick Brandt.

Brandt, a childhood pal of Hedican's, succumbed to a brain tumor and left behind a wife and two young children on March 2, 2008 in Mahtomedi, Minn. He was 37 years old.

On August 21, Yamaguchi and Hedican will host The Patrick Brandt Live Life, Give Love Celebration benefit concert and silent auction at The Myth Nightclub in Maplewood, Minn., to raise money for Brandt's family.

"Patrick was one of those guys who had a great sense of humor and a really positive outlook," Hedican tells PEOPLE of his friend. "He touched so many people with his positiveness. We want to celebrate his life, which ended far too early."

Rob Thomas headlines the show, which will also feature performances by Dancing pros Mark Ballas and Derek Hough's band, Almost Amy. Yamaguchi and Ballas, Dancing's season six champs, will also perform a dance or two.

Patrick Brandt with his wife Jesse and sons Wesley, 5, and Charlie, 2.

For more information on the event and to purchase tickets, go to livelifegivelove.com.

How one explains to these boys, especially the 5 year-old, that their Daddy is gone, I just don't know. My heart really goes out to them.

On the website it says:

If you cannot attend the event but would like to support the Brandt family by giving a donation to the Live Life Give Love celebration, click the Donate button below. Your generous contributions will be used to establish an educational trust for Wes and Charlie, and to ensure that Pat's wife Jesse can continue to give these beautiful boys a life filled with love, laughter and joy.

This is the PayPal link here to donate, if you feel so inclined. If not, at least pass it on as someone else may be.

Also, if you haven't yet seen it, you can see the Last Lecture by clicking on here: Randy Pausch. It is an hour and 16 minutes, I believe, and MORE than well worth your time.

Nearly A Month!

2008-07-23T11:12:00.005-04:00

It has been nearly a month since I last wrote and the question is Where Have I Been?! of course. Busy living!!!! :-)

Enthusiastic

2008-06-25T06:44:00.003-04:00

If there's one word that describes me, that would probably be it. Come to find out enthusiasm means "in God." Yep, I'd say I have the whole world, life, and God in me. It all just makes me so happy from the inside. Even through the rough periods of my life, I felt that light inside of me. I wrote about it once ... I'll have to find it in my boxes of writings.

I remember becoming aware of that flicker inside vividly. I was in Jacksonville after my divorce and a failed relationship but one night I just woke up and knew I'd be alright in life, no matter what happened. That was the beginning of me now. That was the beginning of my return home, literally to Miami and figuratively to where I came from when I was born. (More on the latter later.)

Bottom line: life is a joy! And, enthusiasm is where's it's at for me.

One of the Two Best Days of My Life

2008-06-23T19:21:00.008-04:00

Five years ago tonight, I gave birth to Ian and with that had one of the two best days of my life. For me, having my own child - or someone having one under their care for life - just changes everything and then some and while it was all more than good before, it was most definitely nowhere near the same and I, for one, am ever so grateful. It has been an amazing ride for us and I sure hope for Ian as well.

Happy 5th Birthday again, buddy! You started the ball really rolling for us once you were born and we love you more than life itself. :-)

P.S. Dylan's birth was obviously the other best day of my life because it just confirmed everything we had experienced with Ian and just cemented the whole thing (life) for me. These boys and my life are a dream! Lucky, lucky me!!

P.P.S. The party yesterday was awesome for the inquiring minds who wanted to know. More on that in a post later with pics and all that good stuff.

Big Party Around These Parts

2008-06-22T00:13:00.004-04:00

Today we celebrate Ian's 5th birthday, which is actually tomorrow, June 23rd, and I can hardly believe it. It's the first party he has school friends coming to and I'm so excited for him! We've been busy preparing around here ordering the food, cake, bounce house, doing a little landscape, putting up some pictures, getting his haircut and what not and I can't wait for my big boy, as I call him, to share the day with people who love him. What's not to love, I say. He's such a fun, smart, sweet, little guy. I love that kid! He's hands-down, one of the BEST things that EVER happened to me. Happy 5th, my lovey!

Aladdin City

2008-06-19T13:16:00.003-04:00

Did you know that that's the official name of where I live? Tod says when he was a kid he saw this area and that name on the map and always wanted to live there. Well, guess what? We do!

Anyway, it's little bit of trivia. I love the 'magical' sound to it. It's right up my alley, too, since I always say I live a charmed life. I'm one of those "lucky" people ... or maybe it's just the way I look at life. Whatever the case may be, I love where I live. The name is only the tip of the iceberg of all the great things about it. It's magical around here indeed.

Winning & Losing

2008-06-18T21:08:00.003-04:00

I've loved and lost; have you?

Divorces, deaths, separations, end of affairs, end of friendships, stopped talking to someone.

It's all one and the same and always simply life in the making.

Only The Good Die Young

2008-06-17T08:39:00.003-04:00

Tim Russert was my # 1 go-to-guy in political analysis. That man knew his stuff and was just such an infectious, enthusiastic lovey. I cannot imagine the rest of the Presidential race being covered without him. Total bummer. :-(

The Beauty of Life

2008-06-17T08:24:00.004-04:00

Whether you believe in God or not, or in whichever way you believe, the beauty of life is the people in it. Good or bad, they all give us something. As I read in my CIOH (Christ In Our Home) booklet's passage for today:

"The Lord puts people in our lives that can help us hear God's voice. The right encouragement, a simple question - their very presence brings a gift that changes our lives. God also put us in others' lives so we can assist them in perceiving what we think is obvious, but is still a mystery to them."

Right indeed so thanks for being in my life for all that you bring to it ... good or bad. It wouldn't be as beautiful or interesting or worth it without you. XO

Tears Of A Different Kind

2008-06-16T10:43:00.003-04:00

And bringing tears of a totally different kind is this:

Barack Obama: Father's Day Speech
(As prepared for delivery)
Apostolic Church of God
Sunday, June 15th, 2008
Chicago, IL

Good morning. It’s good to be home on this Father’s Day with my girls, and it’s an honor to spend some time with all of you today in the house of our Lord.

At the end of the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus closes by saying, “Whoever hears these words of mine, and does them, shall be likened to a wise man who built his house upon a rock: the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house, and it fell not, for it was founded upon a rock.” [Matthew 7: 24-25]

Here at Apostolic, you are blessed to worship in a house that has been founded on the rock of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. But it is also built on another rock, another foundation – and that rock is Bishop Arthur Brazier. In forty-eight years, he has built this congregation from just a few hundred to more than 20,000 strong – a congregation that, because of his leadership, has braved the fierce winds and heavy rains of violence and poverty; joblessness and hopelessness. Because of his work and his ministry, there are more graduates and fewer gang members in the neighborhoods surrounding this church. There are more homes and fewer homeless. There is more community and less chaos because Bishop Brazier continued the march for justice that he began by Dr. King’s side all those years ago. He is the reason this house has stood tall for half a century. And on this Father’s Day, it must make him proud to know that the man now charged with keeping its foundation strong is his son and your new pastor, Reverend Byron Brazier.

Of all the rocks upon which we build our lives, we are reminded today that family is the most important. And we are called to recognize and honor how critical every father is to that foundation. They are teachers and coaches. They are mentors and role models. They are examples of success and the men who constantly push us toward it.

But if we are honest with ourselves, we’ll admit that what too many fathers also are is missing – missing from too many lives and too many homes. They have abandoned their responsibilities, acting like boys instead of men. And the foundations of our families are weaker because of it.

You and I know how true this is in the African-American community. We know that more than half of all black children live in single-parent households, a number that has doubled – doubled – since we were children. We know the statistics – that children who grow up without a father are five times more likely to live in poverty and commit crime; nine times more likely to drop out of schools and twenty times more likely to end up in prison. They are more likely to have behavioral problems, or run away from home, or become teenage parents themselves. And the foundations of our community are weaker because of it.

How many times in the last year has this city lost a child at the hands of another child? How many times have our hearts stopped in the middle of the night with the sound of a gunshot or a siren? How many teenagers have we seen hanging around on street corners when they should be sitting in a classroom? How many are sitting in prison when they should be working, or at least looking for a job? How many in this generation are we willing to lose to poverty or violence or addiction? How many?

Yes, we need more cops on the street. Yes, we need fewer guns in the hands of people who shouldn’t have them. Yes, we need more money for our schools, and more outstanding teachers in the classroom, and more afterschool programs for our children. Yes, we need more jobs and more job training and more opportunity in our communities.

But we also need families to raise our children. We need fathers to realize that responsibility does not end at conception. We need them to realize that what makes you a man is not the ability to have a child – it’s the courage to raise one.

We need to help all the mothers out there who are raising these kids by themselves; the mothers who drop them off at school, go to work, pick up them up in the afternoon, work another shift, get dinner, make lunches, pay the bills, fix the house, and all the other things it takes both parents to do. So many of these women are doing a heroic job, but they need support. They need another parent. Their children need another parent. That’s what keeps their foundation strong. It’s what keeps the foundation of our country strong.

I know what it means to have an absent father, although my circumstances weren’t as tough as they are for many young people today. Even though my father left us when I was two years old, and I only knew him from the letters he wrote and the stories that my family told, I was luckier than most. I grew up in Hawaii, and had two wonderful grandparents from Kansas who poured everything they had into helping my mother raise my sister and me – who worked with her to teach us about love and respect and the obligations we have to one another. I screwed up more often than I should’ve, but I got plenty of second chances. And even though we didn’t have a lot of money, scholarships gave me the opportunity to go to some of the best schools in the country. A lot of kids don’t get these chances today. There is no margin for error in their lives. So my own story is different in that way.

Still, I know the toll that being a single parent took on my mother – how she struggled at times to the pay bills; to give us the things that other kids had; to play all the roles that both parents are supposed to play. And I know the toll it took on me. So I resolved many years ago that it was my obligation to break the cycle – that if I could be anything in life, I would be a good father to my girls; that if I could give them anything, I would give them that rock – that foundation – on which to build their lives. And that would be the greatest gift I could offer.

I say this knowing that I have been an imperfect father – knowing that I have made mistakes and will continue to make more; wishing that I could be home for my girls and my wife more than I am right now. I say this knowing all of these things because even as we are imperfect, even as we face difficult circumstances, there are still certain lessons we must strive to live and learn as fathers – whether we are black or white; rich or poor; from the South Side or the wealthiest suburb.

The first is setting an example of excellence for our children – because if we want to set high expectations for them, we’ve got to set high expectations for ourselves. It’s great if you have a job; it’s even better if you have a college degree. It’s a wonderful thing if you are married and living in a home with your children, but don’t just sit in the house and watch “SportsCenter” all weekend long. That’s why so many children are growing up in front of the television. As fathers and parents, we’ve got to spend more time with them, and help them with their homework, and replace the video game or the remote control with a book once in awhile. That’s how we build that foundation.

We know that education is everything to our children’s future. We know that they will no longer just compete for good jobs with children from Indiana, but children from India and China and all over the world. We know the work and the studying and the level of education that requires.

You know, sometimes I’ll go to an eighth-grade graduation and there’s all that pomp and circumstance and gowns and flowers. And I think to myself, it’s just eighth grade. To really compete, they need to graduate high school, and then they need to graduate college, and they probably need a graduate degree too. An eighth-grade education doesn’t cut it today. Let’s give them a handshake and tell them to get their butts back in the library!

It’s up to us – as fathers and parents – to instill this ethic of excellence in our children. It’s up to us to say to our daughters, don’t ever let images on TV tell you what you are worth, because I expect you to dream without limit and reach for those goals. It’s up to us to tell our sons, those songs on the radio may glorify violence, but in my house we live glory to achievement, self respect, and hard work. It’s up to us to set these high expectations. And that means meeting those expectations ourselves. That means setting examples of excellence in our own lives.

The second thing we need to do as fathers is pass along the value of empathy to our children. Not sympathy, but empathy – the ability to stand in somebody else’s shoes; to look at the world through their eyes. Sometimes it’s so easy to get caught up in “us,” that we forget about our obligations to one another. There’s a culture in our society that says remembering these obligations is somehow soft – that we can’t show weakness, and so therefore we can’t show kindness.

But our young boys and girls see that. They see when you are ignoring or mistreating your wife. They see when you are inconsiderate at home; or when you are distant; or when you are thinking only of yourself. And so it’s no surprise when we see that behavior in our schools or on our streets. That’s why we pass on the values of empathy and kindness to our children by living them. We need to show our kids that you’re not strong by putting other people down – you’re strong by lifting them up. That’s our responsibility as fathers.

And by the way – it’s a responsibility that also extends to Washington. Because if fathers are doing their part; if they’re taking our responsibilities seriously to be there for their children, and set high expectations for them, and instill in them a sense of excellence and empathy, then our government should meet them halfway.

We should be making it easier for fathers who make responsible choices and harder for those who avoid them. We should get rid of the financial penalties we impose on married couples right now, and start making sure that every dime of child support goes directly to helping children instead of some bureaucrat. We should reward fathers who pay that child support with job training and job opportunities and a larger Earned Income Tax Credit that can help them pay the bills. We should expand programs where registered nurses visit expectant and new mothers and help them learn how to care for themselves before the baby is born and what to do after – programs that have helped increase father involvement, women’s employment, and children’s readiness for school. We should help these new families care for their children by expanding maternity and paternity leave, and we should guarantee every worker more paid sick leave so they can stay home to take care of their child without losing their income.

We should take all of these steps to build a strong foundation for our children. But we should also know that even if we do; even if we meet our obligations as fathers and parents; even if Washington does its part too, we will still face difficult challenges in our lives. There will still be days of struggle and heartache. The rains will still come and the winds will still blow.

And that is why the final lesson we must learn as fathers is also the greatest gift we can pass on to our children – and that is the gift of hope.

I’m not talking about an idle hope that’s little more than blind optimism or willful ignorance of the problems we face. I’m talking about hope as that spirit inside us that insists, despite all evidence to the contrary, that something better is waiting for us if we’re willing to work for it and fight for it. If we are willing to believe.

I was answering questions at a town hall meeting in Wisconsin the other day and a young man raised his hand, and I figured he’d ask about college tuition or energy or maybe the war in Iraq. But instead he looked at me very seriously and he asked, “What does life mean to you?”

Now, I have to admit that I wasn’t quite prepared for that one. I think I stammered for a little bit, but then I stopped and gave it some thought, and I said this:

When I was a young man, I thought life was all about me – how do I make my way in the world, and how do I become successful and how do I get the things that I want.

But now, my life revolves around my two little girls. And what I think about is what kind of world I’m leaving them. Are they living in a county where there’s a huge gap between a few who are wealthy and a whole bunch of people who are struggling every day? Are they living in a county that is still divided by race? A country where, because they’re girls, they don’t have as much opportunity as boys do? Are they living in a country where we are hated around the world because we don’t cooperate effectively with other nations? Are they living a world that is in grave danger because of what we’ve done to its climate?

And what I’ve realized is that life doesn’t count for much unless you’re willing to do your small part to leave our children – all of our children – a better world. Even if it’s difficult. Even if the work seems great. Even if we don’t get very far in our lifetime.

That is our ultimate responsibility as fathers and parents. We try. We hope. We do what we can to build our house upon the sturdiest rock. And when the winds come, and the rains fall, and they beat upon that house, we keep faith that our Father will be there to guide us, and watch over us, and protect us, and lead His children through the darkest of storms into light of a better day. That is my prayer for all of us on this Father’s Day, and that is my hope for this country in the years ahead. May God Bless you and your children. Thank you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hj1hCDjwG6M

How is this possible?

2008-06-16T10:22:00.004-04:00

When I read a story like this, I just want to sob.

Police shoot man as he beats toddler

TURLOCK, California (AP) -- Police killed a 27-year-old man as he kicked, punched and stomped a toddler to death despite other people's attempts to stop him on a dark, country road, authorities said.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/06/16/toddler.killed.ap/index.html

If These Walls Could Talk

2008-06-10T06:08:00.007-04:00

Mine do actually because I have always put stuff on them other than just calendars. From looking at my walls - especially around my desks - and my desks themselves, you could tell a whole lot about me. I have inspiring words I've typed out or cut out, loving greeting cards I've been given, the little cards that come with flowers with loving words from Tod, favorite pictures, paintings or pictures from places I love, things I've been given by friends and the boys, symbols of things that matter to me, and more.

From my marathon time on my digital watch and the marathon results printout to my Nightingale-Conant Manifestations poster to the myriad Paris reminders to the Peace signs and my Peace doves (mis Gaviotas which remind me of my big dreams and of Lu's Gaviotas ... he (big bro Lu) would probably know what I mean), to this 7-months preggo pic in New York (not a good trip on the outside but so great on the inside) carrying 2 1/2 year old Ian with Dylan in the belly (that being part of the great, the other just being so comfortable in myself that I was happy to pack up and go home in a heartbeat when it was clear there was no better thing to do), and on and on.

Who these things all could tell you I am in a nutshell is someone who just feels connected and plugged in to life, someone who's really digging the journey. That doesn't mean I'm "24/7 stepford-perfectly-la-la-la" but I'd say I'm pretty darn happy, calm, and peaceful. I know who and what I care for, what I sweat and what I don't, what matters to me and what's trivial in the grand scheme of things. Life is just good, man, and the signs are everywhere ... including on the walls. :-)

An Autobiography In Five Short Chapters

2008-06-09T13:55:00.008-04:00

No, not mine, not yet. But this is great. I don't know where Tod & I got it but it's on our wall in the office and every time I read it, I love it. This is human beings, living and learning, at its very best. Enjoy!

CHAPTER I
I WALK DOWN THE STREET
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost .....
I am helpless ....
It isn't my fault.
It takes for ever to find a way out.

CHAPTER II
I WALK DOWN THE SAME STREET
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in, again.
I can't believe I am in this same place .....
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to find a way out.

CHAPTER III
I WALK DOWN THE SAME STREET
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I SEE it is there in.
I still fall in.
It's a habit ... but,
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It IS my fault.
I get out immediately.

CHAPTER IV
I WALK DOWN THE SAME STREET
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

CHAPTER V
I WALK DOWN ANOTHER STREET.

Author unknown

I'm SO Happy For You! I'm SO Happy For You!

2008-06-06T06:18:00.003-04:00

That's what I want to say to each of us but more so to the black community and especially to the older black generation.

Listen, in the beginning of this campaign, the latter were voting for Senator Clinton in large part because they believed Barack Obama was unelectable due to being black. Once they saw that was not the case when he won in Iowa, most got right behind him and supported him all the way to victory in the end. They came out for him like they came out for Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and supported him not only because he was black but because his ideas are good and his intentions genuine.

Yesterday I saw an older black lady going into the store and she had a beautiful and vibrant deep purple Obama shirt on. Favorite color, favorite candidate, and not a shirt I've seen so as I passed by her, I commented on it. I said to her "Ooh, that's our man right there!" but she didn't hear me so I said "Your shirt, I like it but I like him even more!" And she was so surprised and delighted and said "Oh, yes, yes." It was awesome.

Later I thought of that little old lady who in her youth never dreamt a white person would address themselves to her, much less with respect and joy over another black person, much less one coming into power and I could understand the look on her face of perplexement mixed with joy and just being so pleased. She just cannot believe this is happening.

It's what I was talking about a couple of days ago and why I say I want to say to them - the older black generation, more than anybody - "I'm SO happy for you!" This is SO BIG time to these people who lived through hell. It is big to the younger generation as well, although perhaps not as much since they have grown up with blacks "making it" so to speak, but still plenty since they have grown up with the history being told at their homes of what their families went through.

Man, it's like we've been on a death march in this country for a LONNNNNNNG time and all of a sudden, we have actually made it to the other side of the bridge or to the water at the end of the desert. It's a beautiful thing and I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU, black community and for YOU too, white community. I'm SO happy for us all. This doesn't erase the past nor make everything all honky-dory but we can now finally truly begin in earnest. YES WE CAN!

Holding His Own ... and then some! :-)

2008-06-06T06:05:00.004-04:00

This article below is great and the ending moved me so much, I had to share. Enjoy!

Young voters: Obama's race as an asset, non-issue
By MARTHA IRVINE, Associated Press, Posted: 2008-06-06 04:01:28

CHICAGO (AP) - For young voters, Rosa Parks' refusal to sit at the back of a bus in Montgomery, Ala., in 1955 is schoolbook history. Even the racially charged 1992 riots in Los Angeles are a distant memory.

The United States is far from a blueprint for racial harmony, but for today's young adults - all born after segregation was outlawed in the mid-1960s - race is not the issue it once was.

They have grown up with Oprah Winfrey and Michael Jordan among their highest-profile and wealthiest role models. And in their everyday lives, they are much more likely than their elders to have friends of another race, studies show.

Is it any wonder, then, that young adults have been the most willing age group to support a black man for president?

Primary exit polls conducted for The Associated Press illustrate the generational shift that has helped Barack Obama secure the Democratic presidential nomination. About 56 percent of Democrats younger than age 30 supported Obama. That number dropped steadily with each age bracket to a low of 30 percent for voters 65 and older.

Many young voters say a diverse background is an asset for a candidate.

"Rather than just being tolerant of race, we embrace and accept our differences," says Alisha Thomas Morgan, a 29-year-old black state lawmaker in Georgia. "We all recognize that racism still exists. But I think younger people are much more willing to get over it."

They also are more accustomed to seeing people of color in positions of power. The country has, for instance, had a black secretary of state for the past seven-plus years.

"I shouldn't say we're taking it for granted. But it's not especially strange to us," says Tobin Van Ostern, a junior at George Washington University who is spending his summer in Chicago as a leader for Students for Barack Obama.

Van Ostern, who is white, says he understands that Obama's victory is historic.

"But it's one that seems appropriate for the direction the country is going," he says. "In numerous ways, it presents a new image of the United States to the world - and not just because of the color of his skin."

Throughout the primary season, Obama supporters endured jabs from pundits and Hillary Rodham Clinton backers who called them "latte drinkers," among other labels. To them, it seemed to suggest elitism and the notion that young adults were taken with the Illinois senator because it was trendy.

Certainly, the chance to vote for a black man is part of the appeal, Morgan says. "It's fine if they vote for him because he's African-American, as long as they don't stop there," she says. "But I would be voting for Obama whether he was white or whatever. The fact that he is African-American is a plus."

The way Patricia Turner sees it, Obama's race is just one factor that makes him more accessible to younger voters.

Turner is a professor of African-American studies at the University of California, Davis, a diverse campus where she says no one racial or ethnic group is the majority.

She recalls a conversation at a recent university dinner where her table included a few Asian-American students and a white woman in her 30s who was married to a man of mixed race. Asked what struck them about Obama, they listed everything from his age and rearing by a single mother to the fact that he is biracial.

"There's something about the sophisticated and complex ethnic identity that resonates with younger voters as well," says Turner, who is black. "Younger people are able to say 'we' - and that 'we' includes Barack Obama."

But exit polls also show that young Hispanics were more likely to vote for Clinton, as Hispanics were in general. Many people believe the complicated racial history between blacks and Hispanics has played a role in that outcome.

Some wonder if the welcoming attitude toward a black president has its limits, even among the most racially open young Obama supporters.

Young Han, 25, said race played little role in his decision to vote for Obama in the Washington state caucuses. But he wonders if his peers would be uncomfortable if Obama were a different type of black candidate.

"A person who talks in a black English, engages in 'identity politics,' and comes out of a marching, yelling-out-of-a-megaphone background might be considered 'really' black, whereas a Harvard-educated lawyer who looks non-threatening may be just a guy who happens to be black," says Han, a Korean-American who recently worked for a Washington, D.C., civic education foundation teaching students about government. "Whether this is a valid way by which to judge someone's competence or legitimacy is whole other question. But I think that's how things work."

Like many others, he saw attempts to link Obama to his former pastor, the Rev. Jeremiah Wright, as a way to play on that dynamic.

Yet the Wright controversy did not seem to resonate much with young people, even at predominantly white, relatively conservative Clemson University, where political science professor Joseph Stewart Jr. monitored the reaction.

That is striking, says Stewart, a white Southerner who came of age during the civil rights movement. "I did not think I'd live long enough to see a black candidate who was taken this seriously," he says. "I thought racism was just too deeply ingrained."

He sees desegregation as "one of those subtle changes" that have influenced younger generations.

He also has found that many of the youngest voters have little sense of relatively recent incidents of racial strife - for example, the Los Angeles riots that followed the acquittal of the white police officers who beat Rodney King.

"So a lot of the acceptance and the lack of relevance of race is simply a lack of history," Stewart says. "We usually think that's a bad thing - but there may be some positives, too."

For Turner, the progress made is notable and moving.

At age 52, she has vivid memories of the assassination of the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. So Obama's candidacy is a reminder of how far the nation has come.

"There have been times in the Obama campaign when I think, 'I wish Dad could've seen that' or 'I wish my mother were here' to just see him holding his own," Turner says of her parents, who are no longer living.

"They would have been proud."

Copyright 2008 The Associated Press. The information contained in the AP news report may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or otherwise distributed without the prior written authority of The Associated Press. Active hyperlinks have been inserted by AOL. 06/06/2008 03:45 ET

HUGE Night Last Night

2008-06-04T08:40:00.004-04:00

There's so much that could be said about Barack Obama clinching the Democratic Presidential Nomination last night yet so little really needs to be said. All there is to do is imagine being black and over 50 and having been denied so many rights and what not and now, before your passing, you get to witness the nomination of a young, educated black man to one of the two major political parties. That's emotional to say the least and it's a new day in America, that's for sure. I, for one, am ecstatic for ALL Americans and for the whole world and human race but particularly for the older black folks who never thought they'd see this in their lifetimes. I'm SO SO happy for these grandmas and grandpas. It's still not a level-playing field but man, have we made some progress! Way to go, Barack Obama, way to go!

Try Seven!

2008-05-23T07:10:00.004-04:00

Seven! That's how many weeks it was I was away from the gym. As I write that, I think IMPOSSIBLE! But alas, there it was in black and white on my trainer's clipboard. Yikes!! Between illness (ours and people who work with us), work, and work-issues, time flew me right by. I think I ran once or twice in that time and that's it. CRAZY!!!! I gained 2 pounds too ... not bad at all although I honestly don't care about the numbers. For me it's always about how I feel and how my clothes fit and although I didn't feel as light as I usually do, the clothes fit fine so I couldn't even really tell I'd gained.

Anyway, that's the past. Done and done. What I'm up to now is getting myself fully back on track with my training because I want to run another marathon and do a triathlon with my brother perhaps so I have to be back in tip top and I'm already working on that having returned to the gym 3 weeks ago.

That was my first order of business. The second I already took care of a few days ago as well by counting 16 weeks out not from this coming Monday but next (June 2nd) since that's how long I train for a race so that I can find a race right around that time - which will be September 21 - to participate in. And then it's on to my third order of business, getting all my stuff taken care of in the next week before Ian finishes school so I can have the best summer of my life with my boys and their papa and be back to writing here all the time and doing more personal stuff.

For now, it sure is nice to be back. :-) Hope you're all well! MUAH!!

Three Weeks!

2008-05-01T04:04:00.003-04:00

It has been nearly that long since I last wrote and that shows just how busy I have been. I woke up out of the blue at 3 AM this morning and figured if I couldn't fit a few words in here before I got going with the day, I'm a LOSER! Just kidding!! All this to say, "hello, I'm alive, I just have a lot on my plate right now, I shall return!" Hope all is well with you! XOXO

Broader Concerns

2008-04-12T10:01:00.003-04:00

“An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity.” -- Martin Luther King, Jr.

My sister, Naysha, and I were talking about just this the other day. For me, this is what life is all about. I was telling her I was watching my Oprah 20th Anniversary DVD's which I had started watching 2 years ago when I got them for Christmas and never finished and that there was this young girl in Africa just 14 years of age living in a hut with walls covered with cardboard, cooking a meal for herself and her 8 year old little sister. She was saying they live alone and that she is her sister's caretaker because both their parents died of AIDS. She said they both go to school and when she can't be there, the 8 year-old stays by herself. And in all the telling of her story, that's when one single tear fell from her eye. She very matter-of-factly, stoicly, just wiped it away and kept cooking because the girl is clearly doing just what she has to do, the right thing, period, end of story.

So, when my parents (or anyone for that matter) refuse to make their relationship work so that our family works to its highest potential, they give energy to a negative thing instead of using that energy to help that little kid in Africa (or in our own country, for that matter) and that's what I have finally gotten ... that by being part of that, I have been focused on the wrong thing.

In a nutshell, I believe the world needs us who have so much in the U.S. wayyyyy too much for us to be so concerned with our pride. I can't imagine that ever being more important than helping out a needy child. It just seems SO small a way to be. So, yeah, broader concerns, that's where my mind and heart have always been and where my actions now finally are. I have never been more at peace.

It Is Not Painless

2008-04-06T14:03:00.007-04:00

Change is not painless, nor is it for the faint of heart. Have you ever heard people say "that took balls"? Well I don't agree with what that implies - that you have to act as if you were a man, I guess, and do what you have to do (as if women don't) - but that's beside the point because what I do want to point out here is that you have to be willing to take the risks and the consequences of those risks and the pain of those risks.

One way this translates into what's happening in my life right now is that I am not currently in communication with my father or mother. I am not angry with them nor do I love them any less than I did when I was talking to them but they refuse to change their relationship to one another which has left us with the same dysfunction in our adulthood that we grew up with when we were kids and that's just not something I want to be part of at the age of 36 and with 2 of my own children. It just finally got way too old for me, way too stale or bitter a pill to bear swallowing.

The bottomline, in actuality, was that the pain of staying with the status quo was way more painful than the pain of this new frontier and stage in my life. And the Daily Kabbalah pointed just that out today when it said: "Change is what happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of changing." You bet.

So, sure I miss them and talking to them but if they or I died today, I'd find comfort in knowing I did all that I could and then some to bring unity to our family and then just chose to move on lest I continue to live their negative life instead of living a positive one of my own. I wish them the best, really, and I wish them both in their mid-to-late 60s an awakening of sorts sooner rather than later. They should know it'll more than likely not be painless. And that it'll take balls.

Truth

2008-04-05T05:01:00.006-04:00

"... truth is not something embraced when convenient, but is society's foundation of justice and is the basis of good character. It is something for which great people are prepared to die and for which righteous people are prepared to live." -- Rabbi Shmuley Boteach

I LOVE this quote because, of course, I totally agree. It's not easy to live this way but it is integrous and it is what keeps the world right side up. Otherwise, we'd all do the alternative with no conscience and just lie, cheat, kill and steal as if nothing and that would definitely turn the whole world on its head and plunge it right into FULL chaos which, hello!, we don't need because it's bad enough as it is, don't you think?

Exiting left off the soapbox now ... :-)

LOVE This!

2008-04-04T12:10:00.001-04:00

Get this widget!

The Plan

2008-04-04T07:49:00.005-04:00

Remember how I said a couple of days ago that I would come up with a plan to handle all the things I HAVE to do? Well, here it is:

Stop feeling like I have to do anything for anybody.

When the phone rings, I often feel I HAVE to answer it.

When someone doesn't call or e-mail me, I often feel I HAVE to call or e-mail them to stay in touch.

When people send all sorts of e-mails, I often feel I HAVE to get back to them. Maybe not today but at some point which leaves it on my To Do list.

When there are holidays, I feel I HAVE to send cards although I often don't because I never get around to them since I already have a thousand things on the aforementioned To DO (DO, DO, DO) list.

When the business needs something done, even though I've said a thousand times HIRE SOMEBODY or YOU ALL HAVE TO PRETEND I'M DEAD, I end up doing what needs to be done.

This is the other reason (other than having my little ones) that there is not enough time to do what I WANT to do ... because I spend the time I DO have doing what I feel I HAVE to do.

Guilt is wicked and silly. Whose life is it anyway, right?

Thank You

2008-04-04T07:09:00.003-04:00

So much can be said about Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. but on this day - the 40th anniversary of his untimely death at the mere age of 39 - all I want to say is something to him and that is:

Thank You

My Life Right Now

2008-04-02T07:34:00.010-04:00

"It seems to me that since I've had children, I've grown richer and deeper. They may have slowed down my writing for a while, but when I did write, I had more of a self to speak from." -- Anne Tyler

I haven't been writing or doing the things I want to do as much as I'd like and I realize that a lot of the slow down or downright STOP these days is based on the fact that I have 2 little ones. They have, for the most part, taken precedence and this is just a fact of life for me. I do enough for myself to maintain my sanity and then just accept what's so ... that until they're a bit bigger, I am pretty much compromised.

I also realize, even more this year, that I have a life full of people, phone calls, e-mails, visits, work, even volunteer stuff all of which take time and that although I want to still do these things, they need to be on a better schedule than I have now. So, I have to get my plan down and put it into action! And I shall do so today!!

I'm looking forward to it and to the life I know is right for my heart and mind at this particular juncture in my life. Making up my mind, taking action. Ahhhhh, I feel better already!

Close Ups

2008-03-24T17:57:00.004-04:00

I can see where my boys get their good looks from! :-)

Warm & Fuzzy All Over Again

2008-03-24T13:13:00.006-04:00

This here is a picture of my hubby taken about 20 years ago that was given to me yesterday and I can't believe it has been almost that long since I've known him. He's 22 and so handsome in the picture, I am positively giddy looking at it.

I saw the picture yesterday on the wall in what was my brother-in-law's room at the in-laws when we were there for Easter. I asked if I could take it down to look at it closer and I was just so taken aback when I looked at it up close, my eyes started to well up and then the tears just fell out. It was amazing how clearly I could remember the day as if it had just been yesterday when this picture was taken. In fact, I remembered the time and all the preparations for the picture so well, it's as if I could feel the very place in time, almost as if I had simply stepped through a portal.

The picture was a World War II re-enactment picture with authentic WWII clothing, plane, et cetera. My brother-in-law, Jon, incredible photographer / filmmaker / director, had Tod pose as a WWII pilot with friends posing in the background as well. (Very cool picture, huh?)

Anyway, we were SO young (I was 17!) and SO in love and the thing is we still are and, when I looked at that picture, I just thought of ALL we have been through - the good and the bad - in the last 20 years and I just, oh gosh, I don't know, I felt so deeply for us in such a good way. I really marvel at the length, depth, and breadth of our love and friendship and just love Tod so much for it. It is an amazing thing what we have and I thank God for everything about us, including that wonderful, sweet moment yesterday. Our time together so far has been the ride of my life and I just pray for more, more, more.

P.S. The next picture was taken that same day. The bandage on his hand was real ... he'd recently had surgery on his hand at that time. And I swear, I look at that picture as well and feel what I wrote as the title of this post - warm & fuzzy - all over again. What a total teenager I am! :-) Just love, love, love.

I Refuse To Pack Up & Move to The Moon!

2008-03-20T13:49:00.006-04:00

Some days I just want to cry at how sad it is that human beings are so unable to rid themselves of all the negativity that strips the collective of greatness. I read Barack Obama's books and feel such a heart-to-heart connection with his words and spirit, it is hard to believe anyone doesn't get him. Do we not all feel this kind of basic love? Is it not intrinsic? Is it not what we are all made of?

His words show the best of the human spirit and his voice in them is so genuine and good, I am just glad I am not missing the opportunity to know him. I really like who he is, what he's about. I'm so glad to know there are people like him in the world. Like one of my sisters said in an e-mail the other day: if he doesn't win, I'm packing up and moving to the moon! You ain't kidding, sister!

Prejudice

2008-03-19T23:55:00.008-04:00

As we have seen this past week, prejudice - going both ways - is alive and well in America. In this land of stars and stripes, freedom and apple pie, it seems so incongruent with who we say we are and what we say we stand for, it almost leaves me speechless. Really, I can't make heads or tails of the negative energy people put into such hatred.

Still, while it all sure gives me a very heavy heart, I must say it also strengthens my resolve to keep on contributing to the positive side of life. It's the only way for me and I thank God for my still loving, caring heart in what is almost my midlife. If I can go to the grave (or the ocean, actually - I want to be cremated and my ashes let go in the wind at sea), feeling like this, I'll be thrilled as I would've lived in love and in peace.

These Moments Are For Ever

2008-03-11T07:21:00.014-04:00

I was in the kitchen about to make Ian's sandwich for lunch when this picture of him smiling a silly grin and Dyllie smiling a sheepish one popped up on the laptop's slideshow. It's so cute and funny, it just stopped me in my tracks as I realized "wow, that picture, that funny moment, is for ever."

It's no wonder then I wish my life would never end as we know it will on this here Earth. I suspect the memories - those captured in pictures and those not - are for ever imprinted on my soul though and will always be with "me" - whatever form that may be - no matter what. I sure do hope so anyway because those boys, those sweet, pure, cool souls, are the greatest thing I have ever been so privileged to behold and be a part of. They are more than my dream. They are everything. Love you boys!!!! XOXO

More Reason

2008-03-11T05:04:00.008-04:00

The latest fiasco by both the Clintons of saying Hillary will have Obama as Vice-President is just ludicrous. Can you imagine being in first place and being so disregarded? These people will stop at nothing and it shows you why so many hate them so much. They're so arrogant. The whole thing simply gives me more reason (in addition to his BEAUTIFUL writing in his book Dreams of My Father) to support my man.

I do love Barack's response. He's very diplomatic about it yet very clear. He said:

"Sen. Clinton is fighting hard. She's tenacious. I respect her for that. She is working hard to win the nomination. But I want everybody to be absolutely clear. I'm not running for vice president. I'm running for president of the United States of America," Obama told supporters during a rally in Columbus, Mississippi.

If anyone should be suggesting vice presidential candidates, it should be him, Obama said.

"With all due respect. I won twice as many states as Sen. Clinton. I've won more of the popular vote than Sen. Clinton. I have more delegates than Sen. Clinton. So, I don't know how somebody who's in second place is offering vice presidency to the person who's in first place," he said. Watch Obama downplay talk of 'dream ticket' »

Obama also said the Clinton campaign was "hoodwinking" voters when it suggested he was not ready to be president while also floating the possibility of a joint Clinton-Obama ticket.

"I don't understand," he said. "If I'm not ready, how is it that you think I should be such a great vice president?"

http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/

Makes me love him all the more. :-) Besides, any man who can write such amazing words about his becoming both personally and professionally as he did in that memoir of his has not only my vote but my heart just soul-to-soul, you know? It is poetry, that book ... absolutely beautiful!

Hanging On

2008-03-10T13:13:00.004-04:00

"What we are today does not determine what we will be tomorrow. We are still a work in progress. There is life within us, and God continues each day to nourish and strengthen that life." -- from Christ In Our Home booklet

If sad, depressed, hopeless people, and especially people who commit suicide, realized this - that what we are today does not determine what we will be tomorrow and that we are still a work in progress - they wouldn't be so sad, depressed, hopeless, suicidal. So, hang in there, whoever you sad, depressed, hopeless, suicidal person may be. Life is beautiful! Hang on and you shall see.

Happy 1st Birthday to Baby Ben!

2008-03-09T21:36:00.003-04:00

Today the youngest of the 12 nieces and nephews in our family turned 1! Sweet boy! Congrats to my brother and his wife, this little angel's daddy and mommy. I cannot believe how fast this year has flown!

Pablo Picasso & Learning

2008-03-08T06:06:00.005-05:00

I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it. -- Pablo Picasso

As you know, I am fascinated by quotes. I just love the great things people say. This one is a gem to me because my family for all its brains and intellect (we're all rather smart, high IQ's, etc., that sort of thing) is actually quite artsy - in painting, writing, and music (a triple-threat!) - and Mr. Picasso has always been a part of it. I never felt particularly endeared to him though (art is something I've never REALLY studied although it's on my list) until now because I also love taking on something I know nothing about and learning all about it.

It's how I've learned a lot of what I know. For example, no one taught me computers - Word, Excel, QuickBooks, HTML and creating websites, even typing, you name it. I just sat down and read up on it and, by trial and error, learned. No one taught me how to live a great life ... I just got sick of living a sh*tty one and went to the library and looked up books on how to live better. :-) You get the picture.

Yep, I'm one of those people who loves to learn new things and take on new challenges. I don't know, it doesn't occur as scary to me as it may to others. Do I enjoy looking like a fool? No, not really, but I don't particularly suffer it much either. I love starting at square one and going "huh?" and then figuring it out. Learning is cool, cool, cool and that's one thing that I suspect will never be any different for me.

Growth Spurts

2008-03-07T06:30:00.005-05:00

I realized as a journaled this morning that growth spurts continue long after one is a kid. I have been saying how much Ian and Dylan have grown this past year of their lives - particularly the last 6 months - and saw how adults, in general, don't really do that.

It sucks to be stuck in a place in your life without growing. It occurs like such a stagnant puddle or pool of water to me. I rather be growing any day and although I always am to some degree - trying new things, creating, learning - I could not be happier it is happening now again in such a noticeable way for myself. It was SO sorely needed! I'm always pretty happy but these days I am feeling downright giddy like a kid. Funny how easy it is to forget how good that feels! Thank God life is such a circle and brings us back on the loop to remember such happy things. Yay!

Go, Baby, Go!

2008-03-06T17:57:00.005-05:00

In a message dated 3/6/08 3:21:48 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, info@barackobama.com writes:

Narah --

I want to add some more news to David's note about the state of the race.

As you know, we've won 27 of 41 contests and have maintained our commanding lead among pledged delegates.

But today I want to share another staggering number: supporters like you donated more than $55 million to this campaign in the month of February.

That's a humbling achievement, and I am very grateful for your support.

No campaign has ever raised this much in a single month in the history of presidential primaries. But more important than the total is how we did it -- more than 90% of donations were $100 or less, and more than 385,000 new donors in February pushed us past our goal of more than 1,000,000 people owning a piece of this campaign.

From the beginning, this campaign has always been funded by a movement of grassroots supporters giving whatever they can afford. And unlike Senator Clinton and Senator McCain, we have never taken money from lobbyists or PACs.

Despite your generosity in February, I need your help to continue this battle on two separate fronts.

Please make a donation of $25 today:

https://donate.barackobama.com/math

Thank you for your support,
Barack

LOVE! You can donate right to my fundraising page, too. Come on! You know you want to. (wink) :-)

The Not-So-Good Therapist

2008-03-06T11:06:00.004-05:00

Poor guy! Many years ago I used to go to a therapist at UM that was just not very good. I would just bawl for an hour while he asked me a barrage of questions I had gone to him for in hopes he could help me with them, and then I'd leave there feeling heavier and more sad, lost, and confused than when I went in. Not good! The day I decided not to go again was the day I started to feel better. Go figure!

Excitement Is In The Air

2008-03-06T07:01:00.003-05:00

I am knee-deep in a thousand things that are SO exciting to me. In addition to doing a ton of business stuff, church stuff, seminar stuff, website stuff, workout/training stuff, Obama stuff, I am reading 5 great books - well, I am reading 2, listening to 1 in the car, and doing 2 of them as online courses - that are all impacting my life in such a fabulous way, I wish I could finish them all today! I am also spending my time doing and completing things that I wanted to get done, and spending less and less time on those I really don't. Doing so has allowed me to spend more time with the boys and to be more of the real me. From time to time, I find myself wanting to apologize for my new focus and direction as it's new ground I'm still getting used to but then I remember what this is all about ... my life and how I know it is meant to be and to play out. I swear, I can hardly contain myself. I am back on the right track!

2008 ... so far

2008-03-02T04:31:00.002-05:00

From my marquee above ...

January GOAL ... running my first marathon ... ACCOMPLISHED!!!! I'm still working on this www.FirstTimeMarathoner.com but feel free to check it out.

February GOAL ... getting a Self-Growth & Goals Study & Support Group going ... NOT accomplished. Have been in preparation though so stay tuned! I shall continue creating the clearing for it in MARCH. I'll keep you posted!

Maybe She's Born With It

2008-03-02T03:36:00.004-05:00

I was talking to my little sister, Nino, today about something that bothers me that doesn't bother her at all about our family. It's interesting how 2 people can see things so differently and there's, I think, plenty of reasons why. I think the number 1 reason is distance. She lives in Dallas with none of our family around her; I am here with the issue constantly in my face. However, there are other siblings here with the issue right in their backyard as well but they either don't mind it, don't care, or just choose not to deal with it. How I wish I could be like that!

This is where being born with it comes in. I was born with love and justice as core characteristics. I suspect we all are but I think this is really the center of myself and my calling. In the past passion and social responsibility were words that resonated so strongly with me that I wrote them down on a special page in the back of my journal when I was younger. This is who I am so when something isn't that, I can't help but notice and be bothered even if no one else is.

In my heart of hearts, I know what's happening is not right. At best, the situation is not its positive potential. At worst, it is just plain wrong. This isn't about what is right and what isn't for me either though; it's about what is based on love and what is based on fear. As I said to Nino, "Everything else is bullsh*t, you know?"

I'm a strong believer is all that's good in life and the world. Everything else - all the negativity, hate, et cetera - is, as I said to her "a waste of perfectly good and valuable time that needs to be spent on something else in my life. It's just that simple."

And it is.

30 years of garbage is just such a load! How long am I supposed to carry it? I'll tell you how long ... no longer. :-) It's time to walk away from this, swim from the shore, move on. My heart has waited long enough.

Goodbyes Make Me Crazy

2008-03-01T11:03:00.004-05:00

It may or may not still be a ways away but my Mother's Helper (nanny/cleaning lady) will be leaving us. She is expecting and will eventually be returning to her home country where she plans to build a home with her husband-to-be and raise her children. She has a 4 1/2 year-old boy already there with her sister so it's more than understandable why she'd go home and with the new baby more than ever so.

This will be the second person I have daily contact with like this that I'll have to say goodbye to in just about as many years. Not good. I am horrible at this; it just breaks my heart to say goodbye to people I love and am grateful for. She's such a great helper (I don't have to tell her what to do; she just knows what's needed) and she's SO good with my boys. Dylan, in particular, will be very sad. Thank God he'll be going to school in September (or January, at the latest) and maybe when she leaves in the Summer of '09 (if she really does stay that long), it won't be too bad. Hey, maybe she'll decide not to leave at all. You never know. I can only hope but whatever she decides is best for her and her family, I shall support. She deserves that and then some. We love you, Tita!

A Life of Faith

2008-02-23T01:41:00.004-05:00

I believe just about everyone lives a life of faith. If we didn't, we'd say the hell with it, who cares, and be one of those people who commit suicide in their desperation because they're so hopeless and see no future.

Faith is not just a "religion" word. In fact, I think maybe that's why people don't recognize it in their lives because they think faith has to do with Jesus only or something. But it doesn't.

Faith is like hope; it just assures or convinces us that tomorrow is worth waiting for and worth living. So we live our todays and we wait for our tomorrows and we keep going knowing that there's opportunity everywhere, even in tough times or crises, and that even though pain is surely to come as part of the process of living, so is joy also around the corner, and at its very best too, when we least expect it.

Beef Stew

2008-02-21T23:44:00.005-05:00

For ever long ago I promised my fabulous sister-in-law, Jennifer, that I'd post my Beef Stew recipe. Today I was reading old e-mails and responding to them and realized I had not yet done this. By coincidence (or not?), I was making beef stew again tonight so here's the recipe:

1-1 1/2 lb. of beef for stew

Boil in 8-10 cups of water for about an hour to make it really tender

Season the water with Adobo (Chispo should know what that is) :-) Salt and pepper will work but I can't guarantee the same yummy taste

Cut/dice 1 medium yellow onion and put it in

Cut/dice 4 potatoes and a few stalks of celery but do not put them in yet

Add them after the hour has passed along with some baby carrots. I buy them in a little bag, ready to throw in. Put however many you'd like. You can also put peas.

Some water should have evaporated by now. If the pot is still full, take out a cup or two of water.

Put in 1 small can of tomato sauce (8 oz)

Put in 1 small can of tomato paste

Boil for another 30 minutes or so until nice and thick-soupy-like.

Tod, Ian, and Dylan all love it ... it's something they often request I make ... so it must be good. Make it and enjoy!

"Our God Is An Awesome God"

2008-02-21T10:21:00.002-05:00

That much is true.

I read 2 things today which made me think this. #1, a daily Kabbalah e-mail from earlier this week which made me be grateful just to be alive - funny seeing as I was just saying this to Ian this morning, how cool it was that we woke up and had another day to be with our friends and family having fun. The e-mail said "Today, appreciate the fact you are sitting there reading these words. Appreciate the fact that you have another day to live and to burn the fat from your soul. Appreciate the people who come in your life – good and bad. Appreciate. Appreciate. Appreciate."

The other thing was an e-mail from a friend about a tiny 21-week old baby who was operated on in utero (this is an old one I've seen before) that shows the little baby grasping the surgeon's hand. I always think it amazing.

Anyway, at the bottom it says "Don't tell me our God isn't an awesome God." Trust me, I won't. I think that statement is more than fair to say.

Boredom

2008-02-20T12:27:00.006-05:00

I think I wrote before that I don't know what boredom is. I find life so full and interesting, there just isn't a dull moment to me. I mean, what else do we need beside the moon and the stars, the sun and the sky, our bodies, our minds, the billions of people who have come before and who are here now, to be in constant awe and feel excited and alive? I can't imagine. It's such an amazing life and world right here, right now. I thank God I'm aware of that so much more often than not.

President's Day

2008-02-19T10:10:00.004-05:00

Yesterday my Dad came over and saw Ian was out of school and remembered it was a holiday.

So he said to Ian, "Hey, you're out of school! What holiday is it?"

"President's Day, right, Ian?" says mama (me).

"Yep" Ian responds.

"And who's the President of the United States?" Grandpa asks

President Barack Obama! Ian responds.

To which Mom says with a proud wide grin spread across her face: "That's right baby, that's exactly who's going to be President real soon."

Yay, Ian! :-) You bet, baby, you bet!

January 20, 2009 - President Barack Obama shall be sworn.

Reaching

2008-02-19T09:49:00.007-05:00

Oh, those poor Clintons ... they'll say and do anything to get elected.

Plagiarism? Really? Mr. Obama may have used some similar words and sentences from his friend's speech but haven't they as well? Haven't they used Barack's words of inspiration? Come on now!

Who hasn't said, "words? just words?" when they try to say that it's just words what Barack Obama is saying and that they are not important. They prove how much they just don't get it when they say such things and come up with these antics the day before another vote, of course.

Words are EVERYTHING. Without thoughts and words, nothing would be created! Life lives in the conversations we have with one another and the thoughts shared in society in general. Words give form to ideas; they move, touch and inspire us to be and to do. How ridiculous to say they're meaningless.

And then to say Mr. Obama walks away from promises because he says he won't accept public funding as he said he would if he's the Democratic nominee because he doesn't need it now since he raised so much money? The guy doesn't want to spend OUR money and he's bad because he said he would when he thought he might need it. That's reaching, baby, reaching!

What it also is is PATHETIC and Mrs. Clinton and her camp should be ashamed of themselves for having to stoop so low to get what they're after. This is what we have to look forward to if she's elected. Can you imagine? "The Clinton White House Drama - Part 2" Blah! I rather have McCain than this woman. She will be a lighting rod for hell on earth and more divisive for this country than the Republicans could ever be.

Done

2008-02-19T09:38:00.005-05:00

The hardest thing yet I've had to do as a parent was done yesterday when I sat down with Ian and told him Snoopy had died and explained death and life in general. He cried a little and asked me questions and was just wonderful, as always. No surprise there. I was surprised at how well I explained the situation.

I had researched online how to tell a child about a pet's loss but didn't write anything down or practiced in my head what I would say. I didn't plan the moment - it just seemed the right time when it came - and I just let the words come out, one by one, and they were, well, perfect.

Surely I was just the instrument. Those words came out of my mouth, straight from my heart, but they were all from God really. No surprise there either. As the Bible says "To God be the glory!" (I've always loved that saying!)

Still

2008-02-18T04:23:00.006-05:00

Still deeply mourning Snoopy, still haven't told Ian. The time shall come this week though before his cousins and family come to Dylan's birthday party next weekend and ask where our doggie is. I don't want him caught off guard, my darling.

Grief is just such a tough thing. It washes over me here and there so completely unexpectedly. I wish I could turn off my mind so I wouldn't think about it and feel this terrible ache in the very heart of me ...

I know that time and life continuing to go on will make the ache dull, but just not soon enough. Sweet girl Snoop. I feel such a void in this home without you. I'll have to lookup some info on the internet on dealing with the loss of a pet you feel is like your child. I'm sure there's some and any advice you can give, please do pass it on.

A Course In Miracles

2008-02-18T04:03:00.004-05:00

I have heard about this course for many, many, many years and have always wanted to do it (study it). This year Marianne Williamson, whom I love and whom you may know is very directly linked to this blog by its name which I made up from reading her book "A Return to Love," is teaching it on her radio show on the Oprah & Friends channel on XM Radio.

The course is comprised of daily exercises for a whole year and the daily lessons can all be found on Oprah.com. To say that the course is superb would be the understatement of the year and I'm just so glad that after all this time I am finally doing it.

In some weird way, I feel raw again like I did after my divorce. It's as if a new layer is being peeled back and I am conscious of it. I feel deeply connected and safe yet very vulnerable. Still, I am very willing to learn what I thus far haven't because I know from experience now, that this kind of growth while a bit scary is quite a thrill and more than well worth the ride.

I'll keep you posted as I process.

Heartbroken

2008-02-13T23:09:00.003-05:00

That's really about all I can say at this time after 1 of my 3 beloved doggies - our beagle, Snoopy - unexpectedly and suddenly died this morning.

Dylan was just playing with her here a couple of days ago! She was SO good with him and with Ian, whom we have yet to tell, by the way. We haven't because we weren't going to be home with him and Dylan this evening due to our monthly Church Council Meeting and we both want to be there for them, especially Ian who is older and definitely more sentimental.

For now, I just don't even know what to do with myself, I feel so sad. We will be telling him together tomorrow after school. We are really just heartbroken though.

Snoopy, we love and miss you so much. God bless and rest your sweet soul, buddy. :-(

Bible Study - Lent & Easter Season

2008-02-13T05:29:00.007-05:00

The more years I attend church regularly the more I learn about the Bible, God and Jesus. I very often find myself telling Tod "The word (as in the word of God, the Bible) is SO good, it's just amazing!" and it really, truly is.

I had been curious about the church for a long time when I started attending in 2001 shortly after Tod and I married NOT in a church. Back then it just wasn't an active part of my life. I even considered myself an atheist in my early youth so pissed off and so disconnected was I.

I don't consider myself a "born-again Christian" or an expert in the matter of religion but these days, these past few years actually (incredible how time flies!), I must say I just feel plugged in and connected to God (which I consider, among many things, to be the greatest of all things and the force of all good in the world) in a way I never had before. I feel a knowing inside me and a connection and a peace so deep, it's hard to even explain it. All I know is that today is one week since Lent started and that, like at Christmas time, it's the first time I really get it. I've yet to share what I "got" at Christmas and I will but I wanted o share what I'm getting and learning about Lent so far.

The following is from the Evangelica Lutheran Church of America website, www.ELCA.org. The Lutheran church is divided into 2 main branches, one more progressive than the other. The ELCA is the more progressive of the 2 and the church I'm a member of, South Miami Lutheran Church, is part of this organization.

What is Lent?

Lent is a 40-day liturgical season that begins on Ash Wednesday and concludes at the Great Vigil of Easter. Sundays are not included in the 40-day count because every Sunday is a joyful celebration of Jesus' resurrection. Though not biblical, Lent has long been a tradition in the Christian Church, and it is thought that the tradition of the 40 days recalls the 40 days Jesus spent in the wilderness, fasting and being tempted by Satan (Matthew 4:1-11). Lent is considered a time of penance and discipline.

Because of Lent's penitential nature, worship tends to be more solemn, and purple is the liturgical color of the season. Some congregations remove flowers from the worship space, and for many, songs of praise like the Gloria in Excelsis ("Glory in the highest") and expressions of joy like the exclamation "Alleluia" ("Praise the Lord") are removed from the liturgy until Easter. Many congregations hold special mid-week worship services and promote other devotional activities to help their members concentrate on the Lenten disciplines of fasting, almsgiving (charity) and prayer.

Ash Wednesday is the first day of Lent. On this day, Christians focus on their complete sinfulness and the necessity of Christ's suffering and death to insure their salvation. Ashes are referred to many times in the Old Testament as signs of sorrow, mourning, humility, and repentance, and on Ash Wednesday they are used to remind people of their mortality -- that "you are dust, and to dust you shall return" (Genesis 3:19). Many churches use ashes during Ash Wednesday worship in a ritual called the Imposition of Ashes. In this custom, ashes are mixed with a small amount of oil and applied to the forehead of each worshipper.

The Sunday of the Passion or Palm Sunday begins the last week of Lent, known as Holy Week. During this holiest time of the church year, the worship services relive the final week of our Lord's human life. Holy Week includes Maundy Thursday, when Christians observe Christ's "Last Supper" -- the institution of the Sacrament of Holy Communion -- and the mandate to serve one another in love. Good Friday commemorates the imprisonment, trial and death by crucifixion of Jesus.

Lent culminates on Saturday evening of Holy Week in the Great Vigil of Easter, when Christians gather in darkness, light new fire, and celebrate the fulfillment of the Old Testament prophecies in the resurrection of Christ.

The Bible, history, life, Jesus, God ... it's all such a beautiful thing. I truly feel privileged to be a part of it and just thank God immensely, especially at Lent and Easter time, for the opportunity to live and be and learn and understand.

3 More States Tonight ... Yes We Can!

2008-02-12T23:06:00.003-05:00

Burdening Children ... Even Adult Ones

2008-02-11T10:36:00.000-05:00

When I was a little kid, I used to think the world made no sense. Correction, I used to think that the adults in the world - MY world, at least - made no sense. Specifically, I used to watch my parents - these 2 people who brought me into the world and were supposed to model friendship and love - not be so kind to one another and I just thought "wow, this is downright insane!" I was 6, maybe 7, and it warped me something awful for years and years after.

Let me make it clear that there were plenty of GREAT times and laughter in my home and that it definitely wasn't always bad. My parents did many things well and right and I love them and have relationships with both of them today but the truth remains that the bad simply and unfortunately outweighed (however much is beside the point) the good.

The worst part of this whole thing is not the past because the past is long gone and I am as complete with it as I can be. The worst part to me is that the past is still with us today because some 30+ years later, with me now at age 36, with 2 of my own children, and my parents having 10 other grandchildren from my siblings, it is still not complete for them.

Today, I am relieved to say, my parents do not "fight" as they did when I was a kid but they still have not accepted one another, forgiven one another, or grown with respect to each other either. They can be in the same room but you never know what you're gonna get, just like when we were kids. Back then, we NEVER knew when they'd be all lovey-dovey or when the sh*t was gonna fly. Today, at birthdays and holiday gatherings, you can sometimes feel the tension with one sitting in one corner and the other way on the other side and other times you sense nothing at all as they sit and chat at the same table, with the same group of guests.

Did I say insane yet? Oh yeah, I did. It just makes no sense.

The bottomline is that their relationship is still a burden for me. It is especially so when once again here comes another family celebration (Dylan's 2nd birthday in 2 weeks) and in addition to not knowing what space my parents will be in, my Mom's partner won't be here because of my Dad. Why can't everyone just hang and share and celebrate life the way my big brother and his ex-wife have done for their little daughter? I feel it is such a ripoff and a waste not to do this for your kids no matter what their age. Somehow it just doesn't seem right.

I have to say that while my "spirit" side understands and lets them be and doesn't cut them off and say "to hell with all of you, none of you come to this gathering or anything else in my life!", there's a part of me that resents all 3 of them for it. Why drag this thing out for years and generations? It seems so ludicrous.

As a parent, I honestly just cannot understand how 2 people can do that not just to each other but to themselves and to their children. It's as incomprehensible and beyond me now as it was when I was a kid and I doubt I'll ever think it alright.

In the end, none of this matters much though. This is all simply background. The question for me is who I need to be and where I need to grow in order to influence these people to create what I want and see as possible and as the highest potential for any family: being a STRONG, HAPPY, LOVING, PEACEFUL, and UNITED FAMILY that makes a positive difference in the world simply by being just that.

Man, that would be the bomb and a whole new beginning, that's for sure!

Maybe it's just time to take a real stand and be a demand for absolutely nothing less.

Maybe it's time to be willing to walk away if rejected once more.

Maybe it's time to say, "hey, no more of this crap, people!" for the possibility of something greater and for my very own parents and my siblings, not to mention my kids and their future and the legacy that's being left behind.

Maybe it's just time to do it for myself and my very life.

Passing Away

2008-02-10T16:54:00.000-05:00

I walked into church today and a sign of a beloved member having passed away. I had already been told but I guess it didn't sink in until I saw the sign announcing her funeral service this week.

Once I sat down, I got to thinking how many people I knew there at the church who have passed away since I started attending services in 2001, some 6+ years ago now. It's remarkable to see people come and go. This lady, although definitely older, was sick for 6 months but seemed so healthy before then. It just made me think, "Man, there's no time to be wasted; one has to live right here, right now because one day, you're truly here and the next, it's all over and you're gone."

I then came home to Heath Ledger and A Knight's Tale on TBS. It's still crazy to me that he's no longer here being so young. But there you have it, folks. That is life and death is definitely a part of it - no matter your age, health, gender, nationality or station. The same way life was given to each of us, passing away is there for us all and it very simply awaits our moment in time.

Centered, Whole, and Complete

2008-02-09T14:33:00.000-05:00

When you have a place to be centered from, you have it all. For me that is God 1st, family & friends 2nd, community 3rd, my calling (helping others, making a difference, writing, speaking) 4th, traveling and dreams 5th.

Speaking is not quite accomplished to the degree I foresee but enough that I can safely say I truly have it all. Those 5 things, that's a full, blessed life for me right there.

Freedom

2008-02-09T14:21:00.000-05:00

"We are free to worship, praise, love, and serve God." I read those words today in my Christ In Our Home (CIOH) booklet and they just resonated so strongly with me. It's an amazing thing to be free to be able to do that and more, when you think about it. In this country that right to and privilege of freedom is not honored nearly enough. Here, we can do anything. ANYTHING.

I wish people committing crimes could grasp the immense wealth that freedom bestows upon them. I wish the homeless could see they have the world at their hands. I want to say to them and to all the people wasting their lives away in this country: You are free, man, FREE. Say thank you and get rockin 'n rolling on. You can do anything. You can do it all!

My Other Daily

2008-02-08T14:10:00.000-05:00

Another thing that is part of my daily ritual is reading a little desk calendar with sayings and excerpts from Dr. Phil's Family First book which is awesome.

This calendar was one of the Christmas gifts I got from my best friend, Marlene, and her husband, Scott, 2 years ago. Even though it's from 2006, I still use it. I just don't look at the day, only the number and month. It's too good not to read on a daily basis. Keeps me laser-focused on THE most important thing in my life, my family, of course. No better way to start the day than with my focus and commitment on them.

Christ In Our Home

2008-02-08T13:53:00.000-05:00

CIOH, for short. I start my day every day reading this little booklet. It is part of my own personal Bible study. Gold is "literally" contained therein.

Experience

2008-02-08T13:48:00.001-05:00

So much is being said about experience during this election. I always say experience is only good if you learn from it and today I came across a quote which I think perfectly illustrates my point:

“Experience teaches only the teachable.”
- Aldous Huxley

The Marathon Story - Part 1

2008-02-03T15:05:00.000-05:00

Written Sunday, 2/3/08, 3:05 PM
Posted Friday, 2/8/08, 11:18 PM

4 AM
Wake up at dive hotel ever SO calm
ZERO nerves
I reset my cell phone alarm and go back to sleep until 4:30

Wake up again
NO nerves still
I'm not surprised; I'm always this calm when it's serious or when something matters to me

I turn on the TV to see what the weather is (low 60s) and go take a shower
I use the peppermint smelling body gel scrub I got from the Hershey Hotel in PA
I took it to the hotel with me because the minty smell is good and invigorating and also because it brings me good memories from our recent trip north this past Christmas
I wanted to start the morning off right and so far, so good

I brush my teeth and my hair and head out of the tiny bathroom
I start to get dressed
Underwear, athletic bra, shorts, shirt
Watch, wristband, iPod

I put on deodorant, lather my legs with IcyHot cream and put on my flip flops
I play a little of my iPod music as I pack my PJ's and bath things
I put my purse and papers in the room safe

Lu (fabulous Ironman brother) calls at 4:53 AM to say he's on his way
I look out the window and already see runners roaming the streets below
I can't believe the time has finally come

The hotel has breakfast from 7:30-10:30 AM in the dining room
Doesn't help me when the marathon starts at 6:15
I knew this beforehand though so I had requested use of their microwave when I made my reservation (I made my reservation at least a month in advance, by the way, but many hotels were already booked)

I call the front desk to ask about making my oatmeal downstairs now
Man says "sure, come on down"
I take my 2 Advils to help with inflammation before heading out
I take the elevator from the top floor (17th floor - great view at least and the same floor I lived on when I lived at the beach on 29th Street come to think of it so that's a good thing)

I go to the front desk and tell him I'm the girl who needs the microwave
"Oh yes, follow me"

He leads me through the dining room with the old paint and funky 50s-looking painted murals of male waiters
Clean dining room but interesting to say the least

I put my oatmeal in to cook at the sole microwave in the building (I told you this place was a dive!)
A fellow older runner (late 40s, early 50s) joins me
She needs water for her stuff and there isn't any around the microwave area
We chat as she looks around but she has to leave to get some
She comes back and when my stuff is done, I wish her luck and go back upstairs to eat

I journal a few lines as I eat
I don't have much to say
I have turned everything off - the TV, the iPod, my mind - and am just calm, calm, calm
I thank God for that and say a little prayer for myself and everyone running

I'm done eating when Lu calls at 5:28 AM and tells me he's downstairs
I remind him he has to come up to put my time chip on my shoelace
"That's right," he says, "let me lock up my bike and I'll be right there"

He comes up and chats with me
He says many things, all gems
"There's no pressure, this is your first time, you're going to go to school here, just learn and have fun"

Have fun ... that's one of my goals
I make a note once again to consciously do that

I give him the stuff I need him to hold for me in his bag
He asks me which shoe I want the chip on in case I'm superstitious
I'm not but I ask him to put it on the left and then no, the right foot shoe!

I sit on the bed and lather my feet with vaseline to help with the blisters I will get
Lu takes pictures of me getting ready, putting on my socks and running shoes
He's so excited for me and I'm so glad he's with me

I take my Immodium (Lu says "you're gonna take that now?" "Always do right before I go for the long runs." I tell him. "Ok, then do what you always do.")
I drink water
I drink Gatorade
I don't want to drink a whole lot though because I don't want to have to go pee
I want to go bathroom though but no coffee, no bathroom so I am S.O.L. (sh*t out of luck), no pun intended :-)

There's just one more thing now: my bib

I ask Lu to pin it on my shirt for me to make sure I don't stick myself as I had done earlier in the week putting on some pants that were missing the button
I tell him that litte pin prick is still hurting me and I don't want to be distracted by a possible new one
He's more than happy to help
We put it down low on the shirt because my water belt sits right at my waist and the number has to be seen

# 5726

The bib is on so that's it
I'm done and I'm ready to rock (as Lebo said ... rock 'em, Narah) 'n roll

Off we go!

We go downstairs sometime between 5:45 and 5:50 AM and walk a block together before Lu takes off to South Beach to meet me there at mile 4
I very calmly continue walking to the start line

Thousands of people are all around
It's dark, cool - 63 degrees or so - and a bit windy
There's a sea of people walking this way and that way on both sides of the street
Thousands of men, women
There are children seeing off their Moms or Dads or whomever they know, too
Some babies are asleep in their strollers, others are wide awake wondering what the heck is going on

People are everywhere
Some are sitting on the curbs, stretching
A man is sitting on a bench reading the newspaper

Some guys are doing sprints
Some people are jogging their way to the start line
Two guys are jogging away from the start line (seems they forgot something)
And a group is warming up doing side-scissor-running

People are yapping, yapping away
To each other, to loved ones on their cell phones
I listen a while as I keep walking but then turn my iPod on to drown out all the noise

I get to the corrals where you line up and wait to start the race
I find a great spot not where I wanted to be but not all the way back at my assigned spot (they assign according to your estimated finish time which I did not know)
I turn off my iPod and stand there a while taking it all in
I think "wow, this is it"
I'm SO happy
I feel so ready and prepared

I finally look at my watch and it's 6:03 AM
I call Tod right before I turn off my nephew's cell phone which I had because it's so teeny tiny small and fit right in my belt

He says "You're going to do great. Go for it all the way. We'll be there. I love you."
As always, his support is music to my ears.

People are looking for their friends and yelling for them when they see them
People are just yapping, yapping, yapping still
I can't help but hear all the conversations going on
I find them amusing

Maybe this is their way of handling the moment
I get quiet and matter-of-fact calm at moments like this
Even when I was walking with Lu, we were just walking side-by-side quietly

As we wait in the corral for the race to begin, one of the ladies next to me says "I see you have your superhero"
I show her Ian's little Ben 10 XCLR8 action figure and tell her "I do; my 4-year old insisted so Mama had to oblige"
"That's so sweet," she says "good for you, good luck"
"You too" I tell her

I'm glad that I have Ian this close to me
My sunglasses are my Dylan reminder ... I laugh at the thought and vision of him putting my big ol' brown ones on and tilting his head back so they don't fall off his face
I'm smiling thinking all this and shaking my head

I touch my 2 necklaces
I'm wearing one with a cross Tod gave me and one with 3 diamonds which I always say represent the 3 diamonds in my life - Tod, Ian, and Dylan

I'm also wearing pearl earrings Mom gave me to wear the night before when I came over for a lasagna dinner to die for (the perfect last supper!)

And I have a little Virgin booklet in my water belt pocket she wanted me to have with me for blessings and good luck

Sweet Mama

I really am such a super-loved gal
I know I'm very lucky and blessed

My teeth are chattering
A little bit of anticipation anxiety and it's cold too
I jump in place to warm up
I stop, I look around, I notice there's all sorts of different people and groups running for so many different causes and a million different reasons
This is AWESOME

It's still dark and we're waiting a minute or two or three and then I hear something
Someone begins to sing the national anthem
It's so cool to be PART of an event the national anthem is played at
I feel a cool breeze on my face and look up at the sky and just say a humble thank you

When the song is done, some 12,000 people cheer and WHOA!
That makes my hairs stand on my arms and on the back of my neck
I am so excited now

Fireworks are set off
Beautiful red ones - WHOAAAAAAAAA! - so stunning against the black sky

This is moving and I feel the lump in my throat

I realize this is big because what I am about to embark on is one of my lifelong dreams here
This moment, right now, this is no daydream anymore

This is the real thing

It's 6:15 and the runners at the front have begun
Moments later, we're inching forward, close together

People are excited and clapping and whooping

Some people start to run
I see a big open space to the right of the huge crowd and go there so that I don't get pushed or shoved
I never do and I never get stepped on either
A good thing given my already beat up black-nail-and-blister-filled feet

I run a little but then I see the Start Line up ahead and people walking so I stop and just walk as well
I don't want to waste any energy that does not count

I keep moving forward with people with their signs and pompoms cheering wildly from the sidelines and music blaring from huge speakers on a truck bed
I keep my iPod off still to take it all in
All I can think is "this really is amazing" "this is really amazing" "this is really amazing"

Finally, I cross the Start Line at around 6:25 AM and start my digital watch for that 26.2 mile run and as I do so, I realize that when I touch that watch again , it will be all over and I will be something else, someone else

I realize I will have changed and transformed and grown in ways still unbeknownst and unimaginable to me at this starting point

I realize that I will at last be what I've wanted to be since the day I was just a kid standing on the sidelines on a rainy day at a marathon (El Maraton San Blas) in Puerto Rico where I spent the years of my early youth, soaken wet with brand-new blue overall jeans bleeding their blue ink all over my white shirt and underwear and chattering teeth, seeing the very same brother who is now with me run and cheering him on

And that with him now supporting and cheering me on, along with my family and friends near and far, I will have come full-circle when I cross that finish line and accomplished what was until then only a goal and merely a dream ...

And I will be a MARATHONER!

God is ...

2008-02-03T06:52:00.000-05:00

"The same life-force that grows an oak from an acorn, a mountain from the earth's molten core, a stream from the spring thaw, a child from an egg and a sperm, an idea from the mind of a human being, is present in all things, all thoughts and all experiences."

- Joan Borysenko

Endorsing Hillary?!

2008-02-03T05:10:00.000-05:00

Someone I dearly love wrote in their blog that they're supporting Hillary over Barack Obama. Waaaaaa! She says that the Clinton family has been one of her favorites for many years and that Hillary wants change.

On liking the Clintons:

I didn't mind the Clintons before, I even liked them when Bill was in office. I thought he did a pretty good job. Except for Monica, of course, and a few other things, it seems he was not bad overall. The Clintons of late leave a whole lot to be desired though.

On wanting change:

Listen, anyone running a campaign against the opposing team wants change. That goes without saying. The only change Hillary wants though is her in the White House. For her this is another step on the career ladder. I think she's probably a hard-working lady who means well and wants to help people but she will do stuff as part of a job, not as a real feeling from the inside that who we could be as a country is AMAZING.

The Clintons are pros at the political game and this position of President is just that, a position to get, a title. That's why they have come out swinging at Barack with all the crappy comments about race and about the Obama campaign being a fairytale (A fairytale? Are you insane?!) etc. etc. They thought they could say these things and actually get away with it. They think they're entitled, that they're some sort of a political dynasty. It was so terribly unprofessional and arrogant and off-putting to me. They never had me with Barack in the picture but they lost me there completely.

Besides, the Republicans will love to oppose everything Hillary tries to do in office even if it's good. With Barack Obama, they know this is who he is, that he works with people across the aisle, that he expects to get things done and be friends with everyone and not play the b.s. political game. They respect and like him which is not the case with Hillary.

Although I think she has somewhat gotten a raw deal for years, I just don't connect with her either. She seems wooden to me and her speeches are more of the same. Where's the inspiration, the call to us, the citizens? There is NOTHING there!

Barack is in a league of his own in a thousand ways and what I like best of all is the fact he has raised money from individuals and not special interests so he doesn't owe crap to anyone.

This is the people's campaign and not the lobbyists' and corporations'. This is such a personal campaign for all of us supporting him. This is our lives and our dreams, not just a push to the White House as the next personal goal.

This person I love also noted Hillary saying in the latest debate that it took the 1st Clinton to clean up after the 1st Bush, and it would take a 2nd Clinton to clean up after the 2nd Bush. Well, sure that was "cute" of Hillary to say but, to me, this is the real thing and no cute sound-bite could ever sway me from TRUE, INTRINSIC CHANGE.

Bottomline, with Hillary, I expect more of the same - lots of fighting, nothing getting done for this country. With Barack, lots of discourse and compromise and arriving at the middle, Americans involved and plugged in, helping make things happen at long last. A very easy decision for me, especially with his plans for community organizing and service.

It's just brilliant and man, I just cannot wait for the HUGE transformation of this country inside and outside its borders!!! It may hurt a little or even a lot but for growth and transformation, that's what's necessary, baby! I say, let's go!!

Emotional

2008-02-02T17:43:00.000-05:00

I have been wanting to write a post with this title since last week because this - emotional - is what I was then and, surprisingly, am still. The reason? The achievement of that lifelong dream you all know about by now - running my 1st marathon, in case you don't.

Every time I thought about it last week, I was all full of emotions. Nervous, excited, scared, sentimental, I was them all and then some. I never thought I was not going to finish but I wanted to do well. I had a couple of goals: no walking since I had never done so during training and to finish between 4 hrs 47 minutes and 5 hrs 12 minutes, and most preferably, within 5 hours. I never walked once and, at 4:56:39, I accomplished my time goal as well. It was just huge.

So, what was it like? It was AWESOME, not pain free but awesome. I had said here before that my 20-miler was like giving birth all over again. Well, the marathon was too but in a different way. I never quite suffered. I never "felt" it until mile 22. That's when I lost my concentration and focus fiddling with my iPod and had 2 miles of mental more than physical discomfort. I got over it quick and picked up the pace on the last 2 miles to the finish line. It was, bottom line, just a great run.

Do you know what it's like to have nearly 5 hours to think and feel, too? Amazing and divine, that's what. Physical pain is, I don't know, primal. Let me just say I felt the closest I ever have to myself and to God other than during the natural birth of my 2 boys. It was a glorious, magical thing.

There's so much more I could tell about it, I'll have to do it in several different posts. I think I'll start a category just for The Marathon. I'll have to. I have so much more to say about it. I want to write it all down for posterity. It's not every day you check a lifelong dream off your list, you know. It's not every week. The whole experience means so much to me in fact, I have already signed up for next year's marathon and I am actually planning on doing another in the next couple of months as well. I'm just waiting for my body to fully recover to get back out on that court again. As my 2-year-old Dyllie (Dylan) says, "Mama, let's play!" You betcha! I can't wait.

VERY Shocked and Saddened

2008-01-24T06:46:00.000-05:00

Heath Ledger is a very well-known figure in our home. His movie, "A Knight's Tale," is one we watch whenever it is on or whenever we can't find anything on TV we want to watch. We are just stunned and heartbroken he is gone.

Our only consolation is that he must have been done here and that his spirit is now free to roam without being tethered to the physical plane that is our planet Earth.

Still, I just have a big lump in my throat. He seemed like a really nice, unassuming kid and was such a fantastic actor. We just loved him so.

Our condolences and love to his family and to Michelle Williams and, most of all, to his little 2-year-old baby girl, Matilda.

Quote Love

2008-01-24T06:43:00.001-05:00

If you know me, you know I love good, inspiring, beautiful quotes and just words, lyrics, writing, really. I live for them, for what they do to my heart and soul. This one I have always loved:

"The ocean is made of drops."
- Mother Teresa

So simple, so true.

God is ...

2008-01-22T12:46:00.000-05:00

... the love between you and I.

Bonafide Hero In My Eyes - Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

2008-01-21T17:09:00.001-05:00

Anyone who elevates not just a race but humanity and takes it to a whole other level is, in my eyes, a bonafide hero and that's what Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. is to me. I did not live in his time - I didn't live in Jesus's or Gandhi's either - but I'll take history's word on this one. It is beyond amazing though to have someone you know speak of these times and of him as the nightmare that was.

As we say in Spanish, "en que cabeza cabe?" Closest translation: how do you figure? It seems impossible, right? But there goes my argument for personal experience. Life isn't what's so, it's what people say to themselves it is. Perhaps to this white person who grew up in this time, it was a nightmare of sorts indeed but to me, it's mindboggling to feel this way, to say the least, especially this many years later.

You rest on, Dr. King. Your dream is my dream and it will live ... forever.

* Picture above is of painting I have by my great friend and awesome former beach neighbor, Glenn Yeck. See his art and writings at http://www.yeckart.com

Close Call

2008-01-17T05:36:00.000-05:00

I had a tire blowout yesterday. Thank God I was not going very fast (20-30 MPH) but I had been going 50-60 MPH right before. In fact, I had felt my car tug to the left and to the right, all out of whack, in a tipping kind of way even, and my heart skipped a beat or two at the momentary loss of control I felt at my steering wheel. Once I regained control though I just thought it may have been a wind draft from the big 18-wheelers on the road. I was wrong. My tire was about to go.

In retrospect, I should've seen it coming because I was really aware at the time and any time I've had a close call, I have felt extremely plugged in right before and even in the days prior. In this case, I had just passed 4 signs of remembrance that people put on the road now when a loved one dies in a car accident all together and I really saw them and not just noticed them and I really thought about them, like, "wow, 4 people in one wreck, that's just terrible and so sad." The day before too, as I saw a lady getting out of her truck at the Walgreens, I noticed a sign on her rearview window that said "FOR MY SON" with the dates of his birth and death. He was 25, I believe, and I just thought about her like "oh my gosh, a son lost, just awful, how do you deal with the heartache, the hole in your heart?"

So yeah, it should come as no surprise seeing as it just seems death has been right there, not waiting for me or anything like that, but just in my space, so to speak. I was just so lucky yesterday and I'm so grateful. I want to be around a long, long time.

That being said, if something should ever happen to me (or when it does because I will die someday), this is what I would want known about me because it is the way I strive to live:

She adored her husband, children, both sides of her family (Anderson & Rivera), and her pets :-) and all her friends; she loved the people that touched her life in one way or another, she loved the world and people in general; she had a blast; she was a positive person, a light in a world full of darkness sometimes; she loved God; she was very happy and just CRAZY about life.

That just about covers it!

In closing, I do want to say that I am always aware of the following but that it just bears repeating at a time like this: life is EXTREMELY beautiful and it is all WAY MORE THAN worth it. So, take every minute, "good" or "bad," today and every day, with gratitude and reverence because you really don't know when it will be your last. Take a deep breath right now and take it all in. It's an amazing thing, life. :-)

I Am ... Faithful

2008-01-17T05:29:00.000-05:00

Excerpted from A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles, one of my favorite books ever (my 3rd favorite after the Bible - # 1 and Gary Zukav's The Seat of the Soul - # 2), from which this blog is named.*

"To trust in the force that moves the universe is faith. Faith isn't blind, it's visionary. Faith is believing that the universe is on our side and that the universe knows what it's doing. Faith is a psychological awareness of an unfolding force for good, constantly at work in all dimensions. Our attempts to direct this force only interferes with it. Our willingness to relax into it allows it to work on our behalf. Without faith, we're frantically trying to control what it is not our business to control and fix what it is not in our power to fix. What we're trying to control is much better off without us, and what we're trying to fix can't be fixed by us anyway. Without faith, we're wasting time."

* You can see this on the main page of my site: www.narahvalenska.com
The asterik on the title of this blog is a reference to 2 passages in Marianne Williamson's A Return To Love ... another book I love. You can find out what these passages say about "Avalon" and "Fairytales" on pages xxiv and 47, respectively.

Life ... In A Nutshell

2008-01-17T05:22:00.000-05:00

"Every thought we think either extends the truth or multiplies illusions."

"... every thought you have brings either peace or war; either love or fear. "

Amen.

Beautiful

2008-01-17T04:56:00.000-05:00

Holy mackerel! I am never taken by someone's looks but today I saw a picture of a man on a calendar at the hair salon I get my nails done that was unbelieveable. Beautiful hardly describes this guy. The whole place was like "whoa!" I mean, all the ladies were laughing and giggling like schoolgirls! Maybe because it was a giant wall calendar (like 3 feet by 4), it had even more of an impact. Whatever the case, this man is stunning! I will take a picture of the calendar next time I'm there so you can see. I think you will agree!

LOVE This

2008-01-15T03:43:00.000-05:00

"What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined for life, to strengthen each other in all labor, to rest on each other in all sorrow, to minister to each other in all pain..." -- George Eliot

I just forwarded that quote to my love. I just marvel at the commitment made between 2 people to take life on together. It really is something.

I Was Just Saying!

2008-01-14T10:08:00.001-05:00

A couple of posts ago (in the Parenthood one), I was saying just this which I got in an e-mail yesterday.

In a message dated 1/13/08 7:02:05 A.M. Eastern Standard Time, Loving-Each-Day@lists.msianet.org writes:

-----------------LOVING EACH DAY -----------------

Being a parent can be an exquisite, extraordinary miracle that can work. You are a crucial part of bringing a human being onto this planet for a life experience. The experience can be a pleasure, a loving joy, and a great strengthener. For all three of you. Or four. Or more.

- John-Roger (From: Relationships: Love, Marriage and Spirit, p. 24-25)

Ahhhh, SO cool! This is exactly how I feel. Love my boys and my hubby. I love my life!

Cool Quote

2008-01-12T18:06:00.000-05:00

I've been seeing the following quote for well over a year and I keep forgetting to share it. "Aspire To Inspire Before You Expire" That's what I live from very much.

I want to inspire myself above all else to just be good and be my best. I don't know, I find it's just a very fulfilling way to live and if I inspire others, especially my kids and those close to me, all the better, really. It just makes me happy and content inside.

Parenthood

2008-01-11T12:51:00.000-05:00

Part of being a parent to me is not just being affectionate with my children and protective but being their teacher and, bigger and more important still, their leader. I am navigating life and leading the way for them every day and I am leading them by the hand and heart straight into their future. It's a truly awesome and divine endeavor.